Youth.

Hey out there.

It's me again, obviously hahaha. So..... 2 weeks have gone by and I've done quite abit if I say so myself. Went for a short getaway with the parents, packed my room a little, met up with my friends, manage to fall sick somehow, visit lots of hospitals for physio and followups and MRIs and CT scans (thanks to the accident mehh) and I am about 5 hours away from my first trip ever without ze family. I is calling it my SOLO ALONE FRIENDS TRIP. 

Pretty sure you guys get it from what the name is, like how obvious am I right? hahaha SO....... technically I have about 2.5 -2.75 hours left of sleep before a 5am flight and why am I here? Instead of sleeping more so I can recover faster and actually enjoy this trip.

Well... I'm not too sure myself either. Just an urge to write.

I'm 22 this year.

What is it to be young exactly? It's it to have the energy and that insane yolo courage to do things without thinking too much? Is it my ridiculous faith that things will always turn out well? The ability to easily trust, or as the adults like to call it - naivety. Is it my thinking that I am strong enough to handle anything that comes my way? The way I persist so many a times when others tell me maybe I should call it quits? I don't really know...

All I know is that I am young.

There is much about this world that I do not yet understand, but I want to. There's so much I want to see, to learn, to experience. And I know I keep charging forward because I believe "it will all be fine, I will work it out. I can do it as long as I put my heart to it. And also, somethings are just left to fate." Many a times the adults don't agree with me. And so my decisions and actions get opposed, rejected, called ridiculous.

It is not that I don't understand their concerns or worries, or what angle they are coming from. They been through it, so I guess they worry I might make mistakes, get hurt. They try to protect me out of love. I understand that.

But I am not the kind of person who goes along obediently (unfortunately hahaha) and life of a youth, I won't even call myself a kid anymore, hahaha, is so different from back then.

I am independent. Maybe a little too independent. With time and the things that have happened in life, after all that I've been through: failure, death, betrayal, heartbreak. I know I can take care of myself, by myself. I learnt it all the hard way - but I don't have any regrets or complaints.

To me that's just life. 

It's things that I have to go through, because they were set in my path - yes my decisions landed me there (maybe not always my own decisions) but it's okay. I am willing to shoulder that responsibility because all that keeps shaping me. They are the lessons I've learnt the hard way, but also the things that made me who I am today. If anything I am grateful for those lessons - but the adults always see it as a bad thing. Things that shouldn't be in my life.

I don't believe in a life worry and struggle free. I don't believe "there's an easier path". Every road is difficult. But how it goes depends on the attitude you have towards it. It's hard having to fight my way through to the people who love me. Who love me so much that they want to protect me from everything. It's not possible. The world is not a bed of roses. I have to be independent. I have to learn, even if it means getting bumps and bruises - it's all part of the process.

There are days when I question what it is that makes me keep trying over and over again to get through to them. The answer I think is that: I can't stop. And I won't.

Not for anyone, or anything. Life will always go on, and things may somehow always go wrong. I won't always get what I want. I will get hurt, friends will betray me. I will be alone at times. It's not that I am not afraid. It's just that I know I have to be stronger than that. And I have to prove that to myself.

People call this me being stubborn. 

Perhaps I am. But it is my life, and no one else can take or should take responsibility for it. I've come a long way from the kid that I was back when I was 15. I'm proud of who I've become, but I know will face more difficulties in the times to come, because that's just how it is. Everyone will go through it - it's growing up, it's Life.

I'm not saying that I am always right. 

I am saying that I am young. Young enough to be stubborn and insistent and unwavering in my decisions. Young enough to be reckless to try things that might mean great opportunities or disappointment. Young enough to have the courage to say "no, I don't want that for my life" and to decide that no one is going to convince me otherwise because I know what I want.

Youth.

So many a times people misunderstand that as not having the ability to make the "right" decisions. What exactly is right? Who is to define that?

I am young. And in some sense that means I am not afraid, because I don't have much to lose when I have time on my side. I will fight to do things my way, I will go out there and chase my dreams. I honestly hope I won't look back and think of "what if, maybes, back then I should have..." 

My life is mine to make of it. 

And I will work hard and stay firm to make sure that's how it's going to be

Maybe that's youth - naive and stubborn yet unafraid of anything.

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Okay, I've had a long rant. I apologize if it seems much, but I've been thinking about this with regards to some matters in my life lately and this is somewhat of what I've been feeling I think. It's time to sleep (or maybe it's more like a 2 hour nap lol) before heading to the airport. Sleep is always the solution to everything. *POSITIVE THOUGHTS ONLY*