afraid, are you?

my unknown future ,
the long road ahead ,
and the final obstacle i must face: myself.

along the way, people often wonder why they've been holding back all those feelings/thoughts/words. what is it that's stopping them from whatever it is they want to do. the answer to that question, is another question: what are you afraid of?

as of now, i'm just thinking of the immediate. and the answer to that special question, is none other than: MYSELF. the irony of it all, when at the end, what i am afraid of is me. the one thing that is preventing me from moving on, and standing up again is acutally the same thing that i need to save.

i know that if i never get over that fear of failing again and again and again, then i can never be me again. but that fear inside me is like a siren that keeps screaming: sure, start over, but i'll always be here, to remind you that you might still never make it.....  the me now wonders, since when did this voice plant itself in my head? and how did i ever let it turn out this way?

people around me tell me to block that voice out, because i can do it, i will be able to do it, i just need a little more time. they say i'll get there eventually, cause i'm sheryl, i never let anthing get to me and i never give up even if it seems impossible. these days, my respose to them when they say that is: i'm not always that optimistic, there are times when i feel like i can't either. there are times, when i am afraid too.

someone wrote recently: whether you succeed or fail has been determined at the very beginning. anyone who tells you otherwise is either lying or has succeeded already. and so i start to wonder again, where exactly is the beginnning? from the time i start the journey? or from the moment i take that paper? perhaps that person is right. sucess or failure can be determined from the beginning because the right attitude and mindset can maybe path your way. but i still believe in the process too. i believe that other than the beginnning, i need to persevere and keep reminding myself to believe that i can.


afraid? i am.
but i'm learning, learning how to get over that fear and when i do, i'll be okay again.

the promise.

sometimes even if you tell yourself it's okay, it still isn't.
sometimes even when you try and try, it still doesn't work out.
sometimes when you fall down, it takes a longer time to get up again.
sometimes it's just so hard, even though i promised i would try .


and sometimes, certain promises can't help but be broken...

the climb.

Hey. I haven't blogged in years, and i figured it's time to start again.

well, it's been a long time since i had this feeling. the feeling of second-guessing myself.needless to say, it isn't a good feeling, but i realised that i've been carrying this feeling around with me for the past 10 months.

alot has happened in the past 2 weeks, and i've learnt alot about myself and the people around me. i now know that there will always be those who will stick with me no matter what happens and i'm extremely grateful and thankful to have them.

i don't think i've ever been this low or lost in the past 17 years of my life, maybe to some people, i may seem foolish and immature for saying that this is the lowest i've gone in the past 17 years. but for those who know me, you'll know that this isn't me, and i've never ever taken things this hardly. someone told me recently : maybe the reason why you're feeling this way, is because you've never failed this badly in life, so you feel lost and unsure of yourself and your future.but never doubt yourself and your ability because you can do it. just learn from this incident and then find yourself again.

i think she's right. everyone whose been comforting me and advicing me in the past 2 weeks have been right. the road ahead is still long enough for me to go on, and one day i'll be okay again. everyone has their bad times but eventually things will work out on it's own. though as of right now,i know that crying and talking makes me feel better because it shows that i'm finally learning how to accept and only when i accept can i move on.

when tomorrow comes, the path i'm ment to take will be shown to me, and from there on, i'll need to change myself. the future is filled with uncertainties and my future path may be bumpy and hard to walk, but i know that i will never be alone because i'm lucky enough to have people who will stand by me and help me always. it's time for me to stop wallowing in self pity and guilt, because i need to find myself again and stand back up on my feet.

i guess at the end of the day, i just hope to find the courage to find myself and face my future, be it good or bad, i WILL learn to be okay again.

when you've hit rock bottom, the only way to go, is up.