afraid, are you?

my unknown future ,
the long road ahead ,
and the final obstacle i must face: myself.

along the way, people often wonder why they've been holding back all those feelings/thoughts/words. what is it that's stopping them from whatever it is they want to do. the answer to that question, is another question: what are you afraid of?

as of now, i'm just thinking of the immediate. and the answer to that special question, is none other than: MYSELF. the irony of it all, when at the end, what i am afraid of is me. the one thing that is preventing me from moving on, and standing up again is acutally the same thing that i need to save.

i know that if i never get over that fear of failing again and again and again, then i can never be me again. but that fear inside me is like a siren that keeps screaming: sure, start over, but i'll always be here, to remind you that you might still never make it.....  the me now wonders, since when did this voice plant itself in my head? and how did i ever let it turn out this way?

people around me tell me to block that voice out, because i can do it, i will be able to do it, i just need a little more time. they say i'll get there eventually, cause i'm sheryl, i never let anthing get to me and i never give up even if it seems impossible. these days, my respose to them when they say that is: i'm not always that optimistic, there are times when i feel like i can't either. there are times, when i am afraid too.

someone wrote recently: whether you succeed or fail has been determined at the very beginning. anyone who tells you otherwise is either lying or has succeeded already. and so i start to wonder again, where exactly is the beginnning? from the time i start the journey? or from the moment i take that paper? perhaps that person is right. sucess or failure can be determined from the beginning because the right attitude and mindset can maybe path your way. but i still believe in the process too. i believe that other than the beginnning, i need to persevere and keep reminding myself to believe that i can.


afraid? i am.
but i'm learning, learning how to get over that fear and when i do, i'll be okay again.