mission I.M.POSSIBLE.

GP paper down on monday and the other papers left for after the "hols"
it's time to start that intensive plan of mine. i can do this! as someone said: a little self-confidence can really go a long way. so i really hope this person is right.

mon was also jubilat10n! which is the 10th anniversary bash in celebrations for mj's 10th year. it was an okay event, with nice food like my 老伴 tao huay! but i guess what made the event more memorable was that i got to see the 11s girls again. i spend half the concert with them and got to go back home with them too. it's a little like the old days, and that feeling has been greatly missed.

and so i came home yesterday, feeling a little blue at the little things we used to share. but then a nice person came to talk to me and said things that were out of the norm for him:
"enjoy change in life and keep your past memories, but always keep looking forward to the upcoming memories that will surely be even bettter. there's no point clinging on to the past cause it's over and you can't possibly get it back."

i can't deny that that makes alot of sense, and so i promised myself that i would at least try to make up for any regrets by living better and creating better memories. since we can never chase back our past, why not embrace the future. i shall try at the very least. i owe that to myself no?

and so, it begins.

some friendships can't be defined by words.

second post in one day but i can't help it, cause look who visited me today. (:

我的老伴

stupid faces go!

she came all the way down from bishan cause i wasn't able to head out to meet her today. and look at the food she da bao-ed for me for lunch!

i went about cleaning my house today cause it's up to dad and me to clean up after ourselves these weeks. vacuumed up the whole house, ironed a little and did GP revision before jia came around. after being filled to the brim with food, we started our crazy antics as usual.

we rolled around singing this completely out of tune at the top of our voices. pretty much shows how sane we are each time we meet. then jia ended up falling asleep in the funniest position and when she woke up, she did the loudest burp i've ever heard from her since i first met her. (think 10 times the normal burp volume) LOL.

oddly enough, i haven't stopped sneezing since lunch. my nose has been runny all day and i used up 1/2 a box of tissues. :/ i look like rudolph and it isn't even cold outside... stop it with the signs of falling sick please.

good food, amazing company.

ah, rush week is finally over.
today's a holiday thanks to miss lai's generosity.

between school work, soccer finals, colosseum and meeting up with all my old friends, this has been a draining week. but in a good way. (: we won the soccer A div boys championship on wed with a scoare of 2-0 against SAJC. 3rd year in a row, good job MJSB! seeing the MJSB fight hard together made me feel pride in my school. perhaps it's the fact that we all have a common goal as a school that makes soccer finals every year so inspiring and well, heartening.

Colosseum yesterday also saw me as an official for the first time. to which i must say the girls and i plus ed got the slackest official jobs, but very important ones nonetheless. (: frizbee finals happened yesterday between my class and triton. unfortunately we lost, but i am still extremely proud of my class and house cause i know it wasn't easy getting to the finals, plus some were injured.

Atlas hasn't been doing well in terms of house ranks either. we got 5th for cheerleading and overall again. watching my friends cry over the results and seeing the disappointed faces of the house comm was honestly heartbreaking. but i know that they gave it their all and tried hard. so no matter what others say, i still say: good job atlas and 417, we are not defined by our achivements, but the determination we have to achieve what we want. and seeing all your hard work and efforts, there isn't any other house that i would rather be in.

colosseum ended late cause there was official duty to be done, i ended up climbing the school gate with edward cause we were lazy to walk one big round to get out of school. lol.by the time i saw the girls it was well past 8pm. but they were all nice enough to wait for me for dinner. even fi's mum, and for that i felt super bad :/ but i'm glad i went down despite being so tired. Over pizza, cupwalker, 老伴 tao huay (courtesy of fi's mum) and mini dounuts, the 6 of us just talked and talked and talked till we all collasped around the dining table cause we were so stuffed and exhausted.

for awhile it seemed as if the 5 months that we haven't met were nothing. hard to believe these girls are all my seniors and are either heading to uni in a few months, or already in there. maybe also because they are older, so they are like my mums and dads. always nagging at me, concerned about me, and looking out for me.sure we get on each others nerves sometimes, but there is this bond between us that takes time and weathering of storms to achieve. they say no matter where you are, as long as the company you have is good, nothing else matters. i suppose this is very true. (:

on another note, the girls are pretty supportive of a certain issue. i'm quite surprised that they are annoyed only by the fact that i'm so passive regarding this matter. haha, i shall maybe try to be more active. sometimes i wished we had moments like this more.

troubled waters.

i wonder what's that feeling i can't seem to shake when i know things aren't going right. sometimes the reason why we leave things the way they are is because we're afraid of knowing the outcome if we try to change things. but leaving things be, is like leaving yourself out in the open; vulnerable and weak.
both things i don't like to be, but unfortunately have been lately.

everything has a grey area, and though we're all taught to separate ourselves from that region, it's really easier said that done. :/ what happens when all you want to do is rewind time and go back? the answer is nothing. we can't go back, we can only keep going forward.

there are times when i wonder: why is it that we all play this waiting game? just sitting around and waititng for the other to make the first move. time passes and the silence just drags on. we keep thinking that the other person knows what we're thinking, but the truth is that no one will know what you're thinking till you actually say it.

i can't help but feel like i'm being ridiculously stupid just cause i couldn't get my focus right at the very beginning. yet i know that i will regret this one horribly if i let it slip by me. the problem is that it is no longer me who needs to figure out where this is going.

" you keep telling yourself that it's okay.
that it doesn't affect you.
so how come everytime it happens,
your heart feels even heavier
and you just can't help but turn and walk away."

why does it seem like i'm treading troubled waters? hmm.

settling down.

was doing my econs essay with ru on tues, talking about the proper economic analysis to use and ru says out of nowhere:
''sheryl ah, this isn't a lit essay. you over analyse too much!''
talk about a total irony because miss tan says i always lack economic analysis.
oh well, took my CE4 ytd so cross my fingers, pray hard and we'll see.
things have been busy around for me;
staying back to study with the girls and watching my class play the frizbee matches in preps for colosseum.
we got into the frizbee finals. (: i'm pretty excited about that.

another week gone like that and its coming to the end of week 9.
OMG?! WHERE IS ALL MY TIME GOING.
i do have some new resolutions this coming 'hols', some stuff that i hope i'll achieve with some determination and serious time management.
i guess time will tell.
i find myself slowly settling into a pace that i'm relatively good with,
no longer always jittery about things or feeling so tensed all the time.
funny how some down time and clearing of thoughts can really change you.
might be a little too early to say cause MYEs are almost here.
but hey, i'll try to keep my current swag and hope things go well.

going to take a little break from all the crazy for awhile.
i finally get to see my mum tomorrow
and be a pig by eating really good food constantly for the next 3 days.
hopefully all the food will magically disappear and not show up on the weighing scale.
i will start that exercise plan of mine when i come back home on mon.
cross my heart and solemly promise to do so. lol.

fools.

something came to mind this quiet night.
so here i sit, typing away,
doing my lit essay and a famous line of  shakespeare's appears in my head.

lord what fools these mortals be.

perhaps i am a fool for ever believing in finding the right answers,
when the question in it's essence should remain unanswered.
the words i spoke of today to the 2 of them,
remind me of how true this sentence is on me.

time to stop chasing the intangible, and find my own solid grounding.
how is it that i always have to learn the hard way?
ah well, at least now i know.

for in mortal's blood it has been destined,
that we shall in the end fall prey to the one thing we may not overcome;
emotions that we hide within.

到了最后，我还是那个傻瓜.

mummy's day.

it's been so quiet around house that i almost forgot it's mother's day.
it's the first mother's day that i'm not spending with my mum.
so while everyone's out celebrating with their mums over meals and gifts,
here i am texting mine whose about a 1/4 way across the world from me.

they say a mum is someone who nags at you endlessly
but is also the person who knows you best.
i can't help buy agree with that.
even though we have our disagreements,
but no one knows me better than mum.
i know i drive her crazy with my antics,
and get on her nerves
but in the end, she's always forgiving and understanding.

so even though i couldn't give my mum a hug today,
or sit down for a meal together,
i know that today shouldn't be anymore special than any other day,
cause i should always treasure my mum and be good to her.
but i'll still dedicate today to her anyways.
i know in my heart that
no matter where i go or who i become,
i'll still always love my mum.
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY MUMMY! (:

12th night.

just came back from the 12th night play with the girls.
it's actually really quite good.
and it's the book we're doing this year. EVEN better (:
though i almost fell asleep during the play due to the drowsy medicine i took.
ah, what a day.
been feeling so under the weather ever since concert ended on wed,
but more on the concert tomorrow.

i've officially lost 1/2 my voice. sigh.
and my throat according to the doctor is quite swollen,
i'm also apparently having flu and slight fever.
so that's about 5 different tablets plus cough syrup to keep the coughing down.

and yet later tonight is AJ's concert,
meaning i have to sing. O.o
pray that a miracle happens and i get back 1/4 more of my voice later when i wake up.
with choir concert officially over, i guess i'm much more relieved and at ease.
i suppose it was pretty okay.
though our singing wasn't in top form,
but the overall delivery was smooth and thankfully well recieved.

my project or as i would like to call it, my baby, is officially over.
and now i can focus on the more important things;
like my studies.
to which i might add today wasn't very productive,
due to me being so drowsy from my medicine
that i practically drifted in and out of sleep half my tutorials. sigh.
i even fell asleep in the toilet while waiting for the girls to finish washing up.

oddly though, i'm wide awake now.
my medicine works at all the wrong timings really.
best to get some rest though, tomorrow's another long day of rehearsal and performing.
all these endless things that require our attention,
but all the time in the world sometimes doesn't seem to be enough.
so how odd is it that at the end of each hectic day,
there is this one person that comes to my mind.
sigh.

focus sheryl. focus.

closure.

all things need a closure.
i'll remember you as a person who was always there for me
even when you didn't have to be there.
all the things that you've done for me and with me,
are moments that time can't take away.
but i'm glad that we've each found our own way around,
and i know greater and better things will come your way.

tomorrow's a new beginning for you,
and we start afresh with better understanding.
perhaps all the ugly and bitter moments will never be forgotten,
but the smiles and laughter were definetely real.

at the end of it all, we'll always be good friends.
that's something that will never change.
i didn't get to tell you just now;
thanks for all the memories.

i can do this.

5 more days.

time's running out and i've finally just settled one of the most important things. it's almost worth me only sleeping one hour last night to rush it out. getting chased out of school by the security guard because it's time for school to close has been my habit the past 2 nights. been so tired lately that i haven't been doing much of my school work at all and that isn't a good thing.

i've only hit 30.6% , a far cry from the 80% that is expected of me. Oh My God. please let a miracle happen and let this go smoothly. i've put in too much effort for this to just go down the drain... i even dream about this at night and so far it ain't going well.

nevermind that this is slowly turning into my worst fear, but the fact that there's additional crap that's being thrown my way is making things slowly unbearable for me. i just really want to do this well, that isn't too much to ask for right?

the feeling of being unappreciated and being the ultimate dumping ground for so many things have been ticking off the people around me lately. i can't say i don't feel the same way sometimes. the only thing that's keeping us all going is the fact that we still have the passion for what we're doing. so we put up with it, no matter how ridiculous and difficult the situations get.

there's a limit though, and i feel like mine's coming to it's max soon. so i tell myself every morning when i wake up these past two weeks: that's one day less that you have now. push harder today, bear with everything and just do your best.

all i can say is that whoever is looking out for me up there, thank you for the friends you give me. the people who support me all the way when i'm barely surviving each day and the people who are  willing to come and give me their support even though they have better and more important things to do. they make me even more determined to make this a success.

5 more days. i can do this.

another quiet night.

just came out of the shower,
so i'm squeaky clean and sitting comfortably on the bed now.
between listening to taylor sing the tracks from hunger games
and flicking through soccer channels,
i'm starting to feel sleepy.
even though it starts at 2 plus 3 am,
i should still stay up for the MU vs MC match later yes?
it's going to be a good one afterall.

sitting alone in the guest room,
my whole house is in silence except for where i am now.
how is it that you can feel so empty in a room filled with so much sound?
hmm.
i'm too young to sound so troubled. LOL.

i've lost count of the exceptionally quiet nights i've had lately.
they say you form a habit in 7 days,
i'm pretty sure that this is already one.
yet maybe this isn't a bad thing.
more me time, i guess.

another quiet night for me.
just staring at the pastal green walls,
waiting for my hair to dry,
and letting my mind and thoughts wander freely.