It will be brighter.

2:16am
I cried tonight.

Had dinner with a friend and we ended up talking about school, about life.
It's been more than 5 months since I last cried
I've been strong for more than 5 months.
It wasn't because of anyone else, it was just because of myself.

Because I am afraid.
Afraid to hurt anyone, afraid to be hurt again.
I thought about the people I've pushed away the past year.
The people who most probably didn't deserve my coldness
I'm sorry
I felt bad, but it was all necessary.

Because I am still working on me.

Trying to figure out how I am as a person
how things work
and I can't expect anyone to be able to accept or love me now:
I'm not whole, not yet.

This is just me, and my thoughts
My own responsibility to bear, because no one can control my feelings other than me.
It's not that there was anything wrong with those people
I just can't risk hurting anyone
No one else is at fault.

I've succeeded once, I can do it again
Head up, heart strong.
It will be brighter.