A photo of the night sky taken by a friend in Australia

Hello.

It's me.

Well yeah, it has to be haha, since this is my little space after all. Almost been a month since I was here - I decided that maybe I needed to stop writing down all those depressing and upset feelings because they weren't really offloading for me, but rather becoming a greater reminder.

So.....
for the last 25 days I've just been shelving everything and anything that I've been feeling. Good or bad, at the end of the day I hit delete and momentarily, I don't let it affect me - AT ALL. Admittedly, me being busy has helped greatly. The semester is ending, meaning everything is speeding up once again. I've finished quite abit this few weeks: presentations, reports, exams, quizes, school work, family stuff, volunteering. Being busy is good. I like being busy.

It's also been a little rough too.
I saw the friend that drifted from me in the last few months - and I realised "wow this is hard" to know someone so well back then but it's like we can't even say hello now? Then also I realised that it didn't hurt as much as it used to. I was upset. But I know that friend is doing well with life - and if for some reason I am no longer needed in that life, I am now okay to accept it and wish them the best.

People come, people go.
Oddly enough, I get over it faster every single time - the disappointment that comes from being too attached to others. Guess practice really makes everything perfect, soon to come I might not even feel a thing when people leave me. (that came out a lot more depressing than I had expected haha but it's true, and also a part of life)

Good things have happened too. Unexpected good things.
Things that have made me realised I've left the past behind and I'm ready again. Of course, I'm still skeptical as always and also Afraid - as I should be I guess. But I promised myself in February that I would try to be more hopeful than careful. So I'll have a little faith and just see where it goes, for the first time in a long time I don't want to pass up on this feeling - I might regret it.

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On a side note, I'm 3.5 months away from leaving.

I'm not quite sure what to make of that - excited, nervous? Admittedly, it's mainly a quiet happiness in me.

After so long, it's finally happening. 

I've always wanted to just leave everything behind for a bit - to be alone from all that I hold dear and all that I'm familiar with. It's not just Wanderlust, I've realised. It's just me wanting to go out there and see things beyond my little world.

I'd like to meet different people, see sights I never knew (good and bad), experience things.
Do all of it.

Perhaps it's comforting to know that my mentality has changed now.
3 years ago, I wanted to leave because it would mean escape from the things that haunted me - my supposed failure in studies, in my relationship, seeing death and losing sight of myself in the midst of everything. Right now I want to leave for the bigger things that await me.

This time, I won't be leaving memories or people behind.

This time, it'll just be discovering me.