New Year's Eve.

it's the last day of 2012.

so the day i've been mentioning so very often recently is finally here, 31st Dec 2012.
as always, the week from Christmas to the New Year is a super packed one for me. between seeing old friends, doing revision and prep for school, meeting current friends and gatherings with the family, i'm starting to be overwhelmed by all the activities and things to do before 2013 has even begun. but all the rush and crazy is totally worth it cause i get to see all the people who are important to me and celebrate the fact that they're still with me come 2013.

i met YJ the other day before i left on my trip and we got each other our pre-Christmas gifts (: this has been a long year for us both and with it ending, we've both found a new meaning to having each other around. i'm just glad that we're still those girls from back in tkg. as it's been often said: "the best kind of friends are those who grow separately without ever growing apart."

met the girl before my trip for a super early Christmas (:
matching necklaces for our Christmas gifts!

i met Nette the day after Christmas as well. haven't seen her since Nov cause she's been on her Taiwan trip and all that. Our supposed study date was more date than study because this dear girl wanted to come over to study (pig) at my house instead of at Starbucks. we ended up pigging on my sofa watching He's Just Not That Into You while having Pringles, and just talking. i would say that she's been a really big help to me throughout the year, and through a whole load of stuff. we may not be besties but i'm really thankful for having met her in 2012!

study date w Nette on boxing day (:

and of course, i took some time out to meet my dear 老老's aka my seniors on the last Friday of the year. needless to say time spent with them is all laughs, talking crap, A LOT of loud moments and smiles all round. these girls never fail to make me laugh no matter how depressed i may be and they always take care of me cause i'm the youngest. hehehe. i'm extremely, extremely, super, super DUPER thankful for these bunch of girls whose been here with a ton of support and advice for me all these years. (':

MY 老老's! <3

that's pretty much my week so far. and of course, the New Year's party that's currently at my house right now. all my family has gathered to count down at my house this year and here i am blogging away the last few moments of 2012. (talk about anti social right? hahaha!) i'll join them shortly after this last post for the year.

so 2012,
it's been a really fast year. (i say so very often) but also a long one at that. i'm finally gonna take my A's (talk about scary) and to think a year ago i was talking about starting over as a J1 again. doing J1 over was a lot different from how i had imagined it and the year has given me a fair share of tough challenges and rewarding moments. i've met some very nice and truly accepting people, got a ton of drama from others, and learnt a few good lessons in many aspects.

there were a few goodbyes, many changes and some unanswered questions. but i just want to end this year with a thankful heart.
no doubt it's been a tough year, for most if not all of us. but i'm terribly blessed with a family who supports me all the way, as well as friends who are just like my own family and that's good enough for me. (: i'm contented with what i have and very grateful for the people still with me come 2013.

hopefully this has been a fulfilling year for you and though it's a little bittersweet, but maybe you're just as glad as i am that it's finally ending. May 2013 be even better than 2012 for everyone and as this year ends, i really hope you live with no regrets of the things you never got to do.

time to say Goodbye to 2012.
and to think it sometimes feels like i never really even got used to the idea of it being 2012. ah well (:

tinsel and sparkles.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE :)

Michael Buble - Cold December Night

this is becoming one of my fav Christmas songs (:

so it's 25th Dec, and what a weather to go with it. currently in my fav reindeer pj's and knit sweater, armed with hot Milo and typing away. (: my fav way to spend cold nights. the Christmas presents are out in the living room under the mini tree mum brings out every year, and I'm listening to the many Christmas songs on my play list. I'm really having a pretty awesome Christmas (:

i love this time of year, every single year.
it's the time of year where there's good food, family, friends, parties and fun. FOR 1 WHOLE WEEK cause of the new year too. celebrations have started early this year, i got back on the 23rd and went for my cousin's Christmas party straight from the airport, followed by the other gatherings yesterday and today. it's been busy busy busy, but i love the excitement and gatherings. it's so fun meeting up with everyone during this period of time.

Christmas party at 姐's house! <3

desert my uncle made for our Christmas eve party!!

all the presents in my living room.
CAN'T WAIT TO OPEN THEM TOMORROW! (:

i really hope everyone's had a good Christmas this year, spending it with family and friends and people who mean something to you. i guess over the years that's what Christmas has become for my family, a time to take a break from the hectic lives we have and get together to laugh and have fun and EAT GOOD FOOD. it's that year-end feel too, everything seems more relaxed and more heart warming. (maybe cause of the cold weather as well) one of the many reasons why i love the end of the year each year.

of course, there are the presents too (: people sometimes like to ask me what i want for Christmas. and i usually don't know what to tell them cause i don't really have many wants at this time of the year (surprisingly)
but this Christmas all i really want is for the people i love to be happy, and for them to stay healthy. i hope that they find strength in themselves to overcome the many obstacles they each face. that's all i want this Christmas, i hope it's not too much to ask for.

Merry Christmas everyone, i sincerely hope it was a memorable one for you in your own special way.

21/12/12.

hello out there.
if you're seeing this it means that we are all still very much alive. (: but this we've all very much expected and so it's not very surprising. you're also reading my first scheduled blogpost, cause i'm currently somewhere not in Sg.

i'm off somewhere taking a break before the hectic year ahead officially starts.

a photo i took years ago when i was on holiday.

i'm currently typing away on the keyboard to the sound of my parents doing last min packing (as always). and here i am all ready to leave with my luggage out in the living room. i happen to be the most efficient packer in my family (:

i remember my friends telling me at the beginning of this year that if we were all to die on the 21st of Dec, there was so much that they wanted to do. but this year went past faster than any of us had expected and half those things on their checklist haven't even been ticked off yet.

and here we are, on the 21st of Dec 2012.
the world hasn't ended, there are still people out there suffering, our checklists are far from completed and life goes on. well now, it's good to know we all still have time to finish what we started and make better of our lives ahead. it's good to still have time.

to be quite honest my thoughts about the date: 21/12/12 is so much more in my head than what i'm currently writing, but lack of time and other reasons are making me suddenly at loss of what to write. weeks ago i said to myself that i hope 21st Dec would be a day where fresh starts took place for me and i also said i hope to fulfil my Dec resolutions.

well then, since it's 21st Dec and we're all very much still alive, i should really keep to what i said.

it's 5 days to Christmas.
and 10 days to 2013.
hasn't it been a fast year?
i always say that don't i, but it's so very true.

21/12/12.
it's honestly just like any other day.

Monday blues.

蕭敬騰 - 你

i can't remember when's the last time i've had Monday blues.

it's a chilly night as always, i hope everyone's fine out there on this cold night. Monday, monday, monday. i don't really know why but today's been sorta blue for me. i find it hard to concentrate today, pausing in between my math tutorial and sighing way too much. it's been awhile since i've been so distracted with a nagging feeling in my heart which i don't know the cause of.

i suppose it's just one of those days when you feel heavy hearted with no particularly good reason to justify and the feeling only gets worst when night falls. it's the 17th of Dec today, i suddenly feel like it's all going too fast. school seems to be starting soon and that's too fast, time's slipping away too fast, my friends are growing up and leaving too fast, and my life is slowly becoming a blur that i don't seem to recognise anymore.

sitting in front of my desktop and typing away on a keyboard that i haven't really touched since the beginning of 2011 when i first got my laptop. everything's a little nostalgic tonight, the air i breathe is cold and misty and my room is filled with the clicks my fingers make on the keyboard as i type away with  蕭敬騰's 你  (one of my fav songs) playing in my room. it's all a little unfamiliar, but maybe it's just me being weird tonight.

the world is ending in 4 days. (or so it's been predicted)

these nights i lie in bed wondering what will happen if it really ended. i know it's not gonna happen, but i like to think of " what if's" a lot. any close friend of mine will tell you that i have a huge tendency to over think everything in life. and so with that in mind, i often lie awake wondering if i died soon, what would be my biggest regret? who would i miss the most?

i think about the things that i haven't gotten a chance to do, about the people who mean something to me. i think about the words i've left unspoken in my heart and the sorry's i never got to say.

i've never really been one to regret in life, it's always been that way for me. no matter what i did or didn't do, i've never really regretted, for long at least. maybe it's cause i always tell myself that eventually i will learn something out of the good and wrong i've done so far. that at the end of everything i go through in life, there is always a lesson and i will always grow and mature from it all (hopefully in a better way). so, there's really no need for regrets right?

but lying in bed these nights, wondering what if i just died like that one day, i suddenly realise that i might actually regret. a lot of things and people really. life as a student is okay, it's sorta fulfilling and very essential for the future. but if it all just ended like that, it's not good enough for me. there's too many things that i want to accomplish. some of them big and other things super insignificant, but it matters not, i just want to be able to do them.

when i die, i hope i'll look back and be able to say that i've tried my best in life and that there really isn't much left for me to regret. that's all i hope for really, that i live my life as best as i possibly can.
i'm honestly looking forward to the end of A's, even though i haven't officially started j2 yet. i'm looking forward to my life after MJ because that's when i can start to live it better and maybe in a more fulfilling manner.

until that day comes, i will keep working hard towards the biggest hurdle ahead; my A levels. 11 months will go past in a flash, i just have to keep working at it.

Monday oh Monday, what is this feeling i'm having tonight?

i close my eyes and 蕭's song is still on repeat. but there's a heavy feeling in the air, making it almost hard to breathe.

12/12/12.

12/12/12
for the first and last time. it's been such a nice day today and i suppose many people out there wanted to spend this special day in their own special way with their own special people. well, i just spent it like any other day: with a good friend over lunch and then a seriously good htht in the Esplanade.

My fav weather, plus a good view, yummy food in a place that played awesome music and one of my closest friends. Yeap, today was a seriously pretty awesome day. :) what a way to spend 12/12/12

i took some photos today, something i actually really like doing but never got a chance to take seriously. Singapore's city view is really pretty, be it night or day and i have a thing for places with a fantastic view. standing on the roof terrace of the Esplanade, over looking the city with the weather being partly cloudy, a cool breeze and the smell of rain hanging in the air. it couldn't get any better than that.

one of my favourite views :)

a night view i took last fri!

every little girl's dream Christmas tree.

i had a great talk with my friend today. sometimes i find it so unbelievable that we are that close because of how contrasting-ly different we are. but i suppose the same way people say: " love is blind " , friendship knows no boundaries too.

the funny thing about us is that in the eyes of others we might not look "just friends" but the actual fact is that we are exactly just that. very good "just friends" in fact. i'm like his bro, he's like my sis and there we are talking about women gossip, men's soccer and whatever else in between. 

i'm forever teasing him about the girl he likes (who happens to be a mutual friend) and he always gives me the right kind of rational guy advice. The person whom he dislikes the most happens to be one of my best friends (LOL) and while i think he's at times an absolute weirdo and a perv, he thinks that i'm retarded and then too cheery. :) yeap, there's absolutely nothing wrong with this friendship at all..... hahaha. :)

but all that aside, there's always something to talk about with this friend of mine. and i'm forever grateful for the countless times where his advice and encouragement has helped in more ways than anyone could ever know. he's practically on par with my girls in terms of ranking :)

i came back and cooked dinner for mummy and daddy, something i haven't been doing in awhile too. it was good spending 12/12/12 with my family as well, just having a meal over our current fav 7pm show on channel U. that drama is seriously getting addictive! and my parents and me are becoming scriptwriters, planning the ending of the show, debating how the bad person shall be punished. hahaha, i really do love my family :)

12/12/12
today i celebrate my family and my friendships (with both the 2 guys and all my girls), the people who have never forsaken me in tough times and celebrated with me in those crowning moments. the people who are important to me and accept me for all the ridiculous crap and nonsense that i am. i'm thankful for you all, every single one of you. i hope i fufil my Dec resolutions, and i'm gonna start with you guys. it's been a great first and last 12th December 2012.

December;

i'm 11 days late.

but there's this saying:

"better late than never".

it's 10 days left to the supposed end of the world

no, i don't think it'll happen 

but i would like to take it as a chance of new beginnings.

whoever you may be, wherever you are right now, as long as you're reading this

i hope you find the courage to 

live, love and embrace

your life.

for in this month of December,

take it as our last;

time to make amends, finish off what you started and hope your wishes come true.

if i could, i would.

Garlic Blossoms;
Strength & Courage.

heard some news tonight.

it isn't good news, and it isn't the first of it's kind. i've heard a lot these past 2 weeks, some of which have been very bad news. i can only pray that they will all be fine, that they will live. 

it's a helpless feeling. when you want to help with all your heart but you know nothing you say or do will change the situation. you can only keep hoping for the best, keep having faith and praying sincerely that a miracle will happen, that it's not as bad as it seems, that against all odds there will be a good ending.

i'm scared.

scared because i don't know if i'm strong enough to deal with it. scared because i don't know who can provide comfort in a time where everyone is so broken. and so i find myself here, writing all of it down just cause i can't tell anyone what it feels like to be terrified of losing someone.

3rd December; I Remember You.

Well, it's 3rd December again.

And i find myself remembering (but more on that later)

i finally saw my dear Yijia today. it's been almost 4 months since we last met and more than 7 months since we had a good talk. we were girls on a mission, and the mission being jia's entire prom wardrobe: from her dress to her shoes, accessories and bag. we're extremely proud to say we've completed our mission SUPER within budget and are thrilled with her outfit for that day!

okay, enough of me sounding weird and ridiculous. i do apologise, but i get like that whenever i spend time with her. :) we just start going crazy and back to the kids in sec school who messed around in green-dustbin-colored-looking pinafores. i do miss my tkg days with her and seeing her is always like a blast from the past. this friendship shall not fade with time, and i'm really grateful for her in life <3

girls on a mission!
look at that girl's face. hahahaha :)

<3

it's been a rainy day today, my fav weather again but even with all this rain, we managed a little Christmas lights in between the showers. i must say, the Christmas lights this year look a little CNY-ish but the giant Christmas tree outside Ion is as pretty as always.

i had a great day with jia today. sometimes meeting up with old friends reminds you of who you are and what you used to be. maybe you've changed a little and they've changed a little but what always amazes me is that the friendship that has only gotten stronger with time. that girl is a bigger part of me than anyone knows, and i'll always be thankful for friends like that in life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

that aside, today is 3rd December.

i woke up this morning and remembered someone. a year ago today i walked in Orchard with this person and saw the Christmas lights too. it was a different feeling, with a different person, but the exact same way. today jia and i wandered along the same shops in Ion, ate in the same places, walked the same way. everything was like last year, everything was so deja vu and i found myself constantly thinking about this person today.

but even with the same(almost) everything, the lights were different, some of the shops were different, the weather was different and the people were definitely different as well.

Mandarin Gallery 2011

change.

that's what it is and also the one thing i never seem to be able to adjust myself quickly enough to. it always seems like something has happened and the moment has passed before i actually have any reaction to it. i'm such a slow poke : / this i'm sure my own friends know very well.

hello you.

it's been a year. how are you lately? feels like it's been so long since i've had a proper talk full of random, nonsensical things with you. one that doesn't have an air of awkwardness between us (or is it just me being too sensitive?) sometimes i remember you. :) on the days when someone else says something that reminds me completely about you. or some days when i do something and i suddenly have the urge to tell you about it cause we talked about it once.

it never happens though, i never do get to tell you. every once in awhile i do hear about you and it's always good to know you're okay. maybe i'll get used to this, and maybe after awhile i'll go back to the way i was. 

afterall, change is forever and one day i'll learn catch up to these changes. i kept my promise to you though, i got back up on my feet and i'm ready to take on the world. :) (cheesy and not literal, but you know what i mean)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

oh and just before i forget, the world is supposedly ending in 18 days. and though i don't quite think it's true, but i would say DO take this chance to do what you haven't had the courage to do. 

"sometimes all you need is 20 seconds of insane courage"        -we bought a zoo

don't live to regret.

the never ending.

<3 <3 <3

met up with Gladys ytd

and we ended up talking for 4 hours straight in McCafe while it rained.

my favourite weather plus one of my favourite people in the world, 

it was a truly awesome Sat.

love this self-proclaim auntie to bits cause she's been with me through sun and storms
ever since we met in MJ.

talking endlessly about life, family, friends, music, teachers, friends of other friends

the list goes on and on and on

and honestly, anything under the sun is a topic for me and this girl.

 we had a really meaningful discussion over something that has been troubling me

and though i know she doesn't have the solution to my problem,

it was just good to be honest about how i felt

and it was great to hear her perspective on things.

i know you're reading this Chang, 

so i just wanna say thank you for everything so far

and i know what you mean about distance and time in a friendship.

but we're gonna be around for a long time, you can be sure of that.

have a good time when you're in China, stay safe and when you get back, 

we're gonna have some serious FUN. <3

gladys bought the beanie
i was just being retarded, modeling it for her & acting cute.
HA! :) 

p/s gonna meet my other bestie tomorrow for her prom dress shopping & Christmas lights. CAN'T WAIT!