Jar Of Smiles.

haven't written in awhile, been so long that even I've started wondering what I've been doing with all my time. the easiest answer, and perhaps a rather true one would be that school work's been keeping me busy and tired. but I found something tucked away in my shelf, something that got me thinking about the way I've been these past months, somethings I should be grateful for and the little things that I've been forgetting.

My very own Jar Of Smiles.

it was a gift from YJ when I repeated my first J1 year. a form of encouragement from my usually very shy and quiet friend. I found it tucked away in my shelf and truth be told I had almost forgotten all about it this past year or so. in it are little quotes of encouragement and messages from her, each one different and unique, each one telling a different story but all with a purpose to tell me that I must never give up and that she always has faith in me.

funny thing is just when I was looking through each of those little slips of paper and thinking of her, YJ texted me to see how I was doing and to give me encouragement for the week ahead. guess best friends really do have telepathy huh? 

seeing this jar again made me feel suddenly ashamed of myself, yet thankful at the same time. to be honest I've been neglecting a lot of the people who I don't get to see so often anymore... like the MJ seniors, 11s girls, Jo, YJ, a few others and to some extent even my own family. I always say it's cause I'm caught up with all the J2 stuff, the work, the tests, assignments and what not. but then I realise that it's essentially cause I haven't made the effort to find time for them. I usually just want to spend whatever time I have left with myself cause it's my "me" time.

but these are the people who are important to me, and in that sense I'm ashamed that I haven't been able to even take the time to just text them and ask how they're doing. I'm seemingly becoming a very bad friend.... 

and so it got me thinking, my own little jar of smiles... what's in it? whose in it? 

it's the things in life I'm lucky to have and the people I've been blessed to have around, the unexpected things they do for me and the way they remember me, the way how they make the effort to maintain the relationship they have with me.

I know I've mentioned it so many many many times, about how lucky I am to have had such great support all these years and to have met some really truly amazing individuals. perhaps in the eyes of others it all seems so dramatic and exaggerated, but to me it's all very real, and I'm really that grateful for all that I have.

it's how my cousins takes the time to call and see how my day went, 

it's how my mum always cooks my fav food for dinner and how my dad buys all my favourite fruits, 

it's how YJ texts me out of no where for no real reason other than to see how I'm doing, 

it's how my current classmates make each day in school and confinement so much more bearable and how the clique of girls I hang out with now tell me that they believe in me though they're not the expressive type, 

it's how Xinru and the other girls accommodate to my schooling schedule when we meet up, 

it's how Christine buys me Happy Meals on mid-week wednesday mornings to cheer me up, how Dawn gives me Nutella cause I'm madly in love with it, 

it's how Jo's post-it note to encourage me from a year ago is still in my pencil case, 

it's how Jing shen and Zhen lun's unexpected little notes of encouragement during mbts made my day, it's how a short 2 min phone call from Desmond reminds me that though we haven't seen each other for months we're still the same, 

it's how my seniors and the TKG girls still clamour on about meeting up and getting together after all these years 

and it's how Ed and I still NEVER run out of things to say when we meet, the list goes on....

all these things.

whether big or small, these are the reasons why I always say I'm a lucky girl. in spite of anything that happens or what others have said and done to me, I'm still lucky simply because of the people in my life and their love and sincerity that sometimes make me feel very undeserving cause I don't seem to do as much.

" as we grow older and we become more aware of how the world really is,

 as we go through struggles and face adversities, we often look around us for strength and support 

when we ourselves are squeezed dry. no matter how much you may not want to admit it, 

at a certain point in life you're gonna need a shoulder to cry on and a listening ear for your problems. these are the times when you realise how lucky you are for the people you have around you and the things you should be grateful for.

people may come and go, some will stay around for a long time while others may break your heart. some you need time to understand so your relationship can grow stronger 

but in some, time only brings out the ugly side. 

forgive those who may have hurt you cause only then can you move on, learn from the little experiences of those around you and always be there if they need you. 

sometimes trust is not how long you've known each other, but how well you can understand someone. and even if you're far apart, it doesn't mean the relationship is strained. 

make an effort to be thankful for the little things that are done for you by others, 

and don't hurt anyone if you can. 

just take the first step out and maybe you'll realise that the people you always thought forgot about you actually still do care and remember. 

in life it's going to be about the effort. 

you reap what you sow, in terms of almost every aspect; studies, work, family, 

relations with different people.... of course it can be about luck too, 

just most of the time you have to at least make the effort. "

these are the little thoughts I keep in the Jar of Smiles in my heart, the things I've come to realise over time and the things that will keep reminding me why I should be happy for a long time to come. 

these are good enough reasons to be thankful for life thus far, and thankful is exactly what I am.