Freedom.

How free do you want to be?

I went for a swim on Friday, something I've been putting off for months cause of how busy I've been/ lazy I get/ tired I was. whatever it was, I finally got round to doing what I've been wanting to for a really long time.

Swimming alone is always equivalent to more ME time, time for me to silently talk to myself in my head while I let my body do the usual routine. (I know that sounds weird) sometimes I think I get so complacent when I swim that it's like I don't need to think of how to do it, everything just happens on it's own. this might as well be a good thing, because it usually means that I have more time to think through things and observe my surroundings while I do laps. Just like that I unknowingly did 12 laps, pretty good considering how long I haven't been in water.

I suppose I've always loved swimming because of how free it makes me feel.

Being submerged in water is like having the freedom to move around as you please. the feeling of running your fingers through the sky blue waters and the weightless feeling one gets as they glide through the pool. the quietness in your ears with only the sound of water hitting the pool side drains. it's the closest we'll get to flying without actually being in the air (at least, that's the whacked theory I seem to think it is). There's just something about it that I love, something that draws me in. maybe it's the endless thrill of holding your breath till your lungs burn and you finally come up for air, or maybe it's got to do with the fact that the cutest children are often found trying to learn how to swim at the pool.

To be honest my biggest regret (I shall call it that for once) is giving up competitive swimming. Maybe if I had held on, my resolve would be much stronger than what it is today. it's too late for all of that now though. at this age it's hard to go back to those times, so I'll just enjoy the leisurely swims while I still can.

I was thinking of the lit tutorial I had while doing my laps. 
The Idea of FREEDOM.

I don't think I've ever mention this but Age Of Innocence is really so much better than Twelfth Night... no offence to Shakespeare, but he talks about romance WAY too much. though to be honest AOI isn't much different, but at least there is the element of a person's struggle between what society wants of him and what he wants. (the whole idea of wanting to do what the heart wants but mind doesn't allow thing)
the discussion was on the idea that " freedom at times, is also a person not knowing of their entrapment " or in other words just simply saying, maybe people who are unaware of how trapped and restricted they really are, are the ones who enjoy the most freedom.

How ridiculously absurd yet totally truthful that is right? 
thinking about it carefully I realised how that statement was a complete reflection of the lives that so many of us lead. the only reason why anyone ever feels trapped is exactly because they know that they are constricted, chained down and blocked up. it is because we know, that is why we feel trapped.

Is this why there's a chinese saying that goes: "傻人有傻福" ? perhaps we humans are too complex for our own good or perhaps it's just that I'm currently too complex for my own good. all this talk about freedom and the deep thoughts that everyone has towards this one word is perhaps too much to handle at times.

Along this path we've chosen, at least once, we're bound to feel chained by the amount of work and everyday school life. it's not that we don't know why we do what we do, and it's not that we don't know the ultimate aim that we all have. it's just that at times the reason for us pressing on each and every day gets forgotten. simply cause our own freedom has been forgotten.

Despite all of this I try and convince myself everyday with this thought: " if you really must, then at the very least exchange your freedom for bigger goals and always think long term."
perhaps this whole idea of losing yourself/ your identity along this journey or discovering yourself along this journey (let's leave this for another post) or losing your freedom momentarily for a bigger goal, is a lot more practical then others give it credit for.

If there's anything I learnt these 3 years through this whole system is that whether or not you lose yourself/discover a new you/reach success/experience failure/give up your freedom/make new friends/meet some enemies or whatever else there is about life as a JC kid..... the thing I know best is that everyone learns a lesson. not an academic one but something that changes their perspective on something, irregardless of how significant or not, we just learn something.

Perhaps that alone is enough. 
Afterall, knowledge comes at a price and that price might just(momentarily) be Your Freedom.