For the month of June.

So much to write, yet i'm not quite sure where to begin.

been almost a month since I've been here, so long that I've almost forgotten this side of myself. 

but it's another month, another beginning. some time ago I started writing quotes of the month on my wall. Maybe it's a form of encouragement, maybe it's another way to keep going or perhaps it's now my motivation. I just know that it's making it easier, and I'm getting closer to the end.

For the month of June:

"Failure does not mean that you'll never get what you want

sometimes it just means

you have to fight harder for something better..."

I'm taking longer and longer to write each time, and sometimes I start to wonder if that's a good thing.

Someone told me once: "People write best when they have something on their minds, things they can't say or really even express. It's an outlet. It happens when you're troubled." so with my lack of writing recently, does this mean I'm getting better at dealing with the troubles?

I started this more than a year ago, the day before I found out what the outcome of my journey here would be. In this past 1 year, 8 months: everything that has happened; the good, the bad, the troubled times(90% of the time isn't it), the inner conflicts, doubts, worries, problems. the different views I have towards so many things, the things I've been through, the things I've learnt from going through them....

Every little bit of it. 

Its been a long way.

In the past, every time I came here it was cause I had something I wanted to say but I wan't sure of where or who I could say it to? (a little like now) or maybe it was just a feeling that I just had to write, I just had to. Whatever it was that brought me here, whatever it is that still keeps me here writing, I'm honestly glad that's it's still here.

To be honest I would be scared if a day came that I had nothing to write about. would that mean that I no longer have anything exciting or exceptionally troubling to ponder over, or any form of reflection left to do? To become someone who does not need an outlet, or a need to write because nothing stirs their emotions enough anymore to continue. If I ever become like that, the me now would be pretty upset.

I'm not quite sure what it is I've been feeling recently (happens often enough each day). It's this feeling of not being very clear of what it is exactly I wanna say, or write here. it's this feeling that I will be okay, simply because I haven't stopped to look back. These few months, it's always been about looking ahead and taking each and every day as it comes to me.

It's not difficult to do really, because I've found my little place. 

Be it with my family, the burden gang, the class girls, the J3s, my tkg girls, my other friends and even myself. there's a new found comfort and routine. Something that I haven't felt since my sec school days. Life now isn't just a repetition of tiredness, work, revision and all other troubling thoughts. Life now for me is simply just living in the moment.

I no longer wonder of the possibilities, or when this will end, how this will end, what I'm gonna do when it ends. All I do now is what I need to, what I can do in this moment and what I want to.

There's a quiet and small joy even though life now is honestly one with not much excitement or really anything THAT interesting for that matter. Even so, there's something about this simplicity, something about it that makes it addictive. that makes me want more of life like that; Just living life.

Actually, not everything is perfect. 

There are still issues, problems, worries, deadlines. but I'm okay with all of it and I guess that's what makes me feel so....... content right now. Yeah, that's what it is.

I'm just contented with life. My life (: