"After all that we had."

04:18am

I was always sure.
Sure that even in a sea of faces, I will, by some odd and unbelievable way, still be able to find him.

I was wrong.
I almost didn't recognise him tonight.
He's lost weight
Quieter too, it seems. Not just cause he kept to his friends but in his person, he seems.. quieter
I guess, he's changed again.
And yet his eyes and that gaze, are still the same.

If there really is a thing called Fate, it might just be this: an acquaintance and mutual friend of his texted me for some advice at that time too. I never expected to hear from this person after we all graduated, much less be the one sought after for advice. We were, not exactly friends and I am.... in no means wise. Everything I am is learnt from experience.
Lately, quite some people have been coming to me with relationship issues. My family, best friends, and even people I'm not familiar with. All seeking a listening ear and (maybe?) some way to get out of what they are in. I don't really know why they'd think to come to me. I don't have the answers they are seeking.
But perhaps, my past experiences have something to offer them, or so that's what they tell me.

No surprise that seeing and listening to these people remind me of the past.
Every time someone now tells me they finally know how I feel 1.5 years ago, that moment comes back, and I can't help but feel so apologetic towards them. No one should experience that. But at the end that is not within my control, and what I can focus on is how I can help them in any way, from my limited capacity.
Hearing them talk about the me back then is slightly unnerving.... why wait almost 1.5 years to tell me how they felt about my situation back then? Too much time has since passed for me to know. I guess it lets them get a load of their chest.

It is really quite hard when you become strangers with people once closest to you, lover or friend.
Memories and the emotions that that come with don't just disappear with time. They only fade, but like every thing that never goes away fully, they come back when triggered. That is sometimes the best, but also the most painful thing.

That acquaintance asked me what is to happen from here on. How can she/he cope with losing the person she/he loves if that person chooses to leave. I apologized, saying that I don't have the answers, that if unfortunately true, this is just the beginning of what is to be dealt with alone. But that with time, somehow, Faith and pain will eventually give a solution.

At the end I realized how helpless I still am in such situations.
Not cause I'm lost like how they feel, but because I know what they feel. And because I know there is no shortcut to what they are about to deal with on their own. Support from everyone is great, helpful. But we all have our demons and inner voices, ones that no one else can stop. Memories will become the most cherished and hated thing. And heartache will feel so much like physical ache, you can't breathe sometimes.

All I can do is to pray and hope, for the strength to help them in some way or another, and for it to get easier every time I have to revisit those memories again.