03:26

It's the people you miss out of nowhere, in the middle of the day, when you're busy as crap in your hectic life, when you're in the middle of a laugh and you pause short, cause it hits you hard - even though it shouldn't.

Those are the people that made the difference.

In the words of another person, I'm most probably emo as fuck (pardon the language) hahaha. I promise I'm happy most of the time. All this "depressing talk" is just a side of me I no longer confide in other people anymore. Sad. But True. I realized no one really cares anyways, and even if they did, you'd unknowingly expect them to try and help you if they're your really really really close friends (because you'd do the same for them) and then when they don't, that's another round of disappointment to face. So, might as well just deal with it on my own.

For the most part, I end up here writing my heart and soul out - I'm sorry I sound depressing, again, I'm not haha. But I do need an outlet, to unload all my crappy emotions and demon thoughts. This place is that. Okay and also, maybe twitter.

I've been thinking (yeah, again, as usual haha) Honestly, I wonder why I give so much of a fuck to people who obviously don't. (Again, sorry, pardon the language. I suddenly am very in need to let out a few curses to get my point across and express my level of frustration with myself) Who are they, to have that great an effect on me?

Why?

I ask myself that all the time.

And the reason? I care too much, thinking my sincerity and friendship will be reciprocated.
Treat others the way you want to be treated right? Wrong. That only applies to other cases, of which it's teaching you to not be rude or mean or offensive to others. The reality is, I get overly attached, to people who seem so genuine (and maybe they were, but they decided not to be anymore) and then I keep giving. I don't know where to stop. CORRECTION: I do, I just still keep giving, and doing and reaching out to them.

Well, the result? I get majorly Fucked.
It's not their fault or responsibility. It's mine. I shouldn't trust people too much, we change. I shouldn't take things too hard, people grow apart and get left behind everyday. Everyone loses someone - even the people they thought they never would.

My problems are too petty in a world so filled with grief.

I'm getting tired of telling myself to: Fuck it and sua.
Also getting tired of reminding myself repeatedly to not care, not be concerned, not try or reach out. Not worry or lose sleep over things like that, not be sad about it, NOT TO CRY OVER IT. It's harder than it sounds (just like always)

Emotions should come with an off/on switch.
That would make life so much easier for me - for the most part I'd like keep them off.