Dear Friend.

01:16am

I found the old conversations we had when I was searching through whatsapp's search box for a list of things someone told me about before. Out came a conversation between us from 7 months back and I opened it.

We are different now.
I mean, I have acknowledged that. Both to myself and other friends, our friends even, that things between us are no longer the same. But reading back to then, I really, really felt my heart ache. And what a sad feeling that was.

Dear Friend,
I'm trying hard everyday to accept things for the way they are now. I'm trying to get on with life even though I don't have the answers to the questions I want to ask you. I'm trying to just be satisfied with what's left between us.

Growing distant from people, I've realised, if it was a mutual thing is considered acceptable and understandable. Life happens and people grow apart as they grow older. But when only one party decides that what's there is no longer as important and distances themselves, then things become a little more complicated.

To be honest, I don't need the answers to my questions. Those questions aren't that important anyways: why we've become like that? did I do something wrong? It all doesn't matter unless knowing about them can bring us back to how we were. But then, looking at us now. I don't think it's possible.

It's awkward trying to hold a conversation with you even in the presence of our friends. I feel weird. A feeling as if I know you don't really wanna talk to me, but you are just trying to. And that weird feeling makes me feel weird trying to talk to you - and so I'd rather just not look at you so I don't have to try having a conversation.

How did it end up like that? From having endless things to talk about to finding it hard to hold a convo.  Fate is so funny........ We went from acquaintances who never even spoke a word to each other, to friends that talked non-stop, and now we are people who don't know how to continue on.

I figured this actually doesn't bother you at all. I know you're okay with how things are. I know that most probably, it's just me feeling this odd and somewhat ridiculous sense of loss. Maybe that's how important you are.

Dear Friend,

There's so much I've been wanting to tell you and to talk to you about, but it seems like it'll be dumb to tell you now cause you're most probably not interested anymore anyways. It's okay, I'll hold back the urge and I won't disturb you.

Just know that I miss you.
I really, really, really miss you. A lot.