you're not alone.

OP was finally over yesterday, and i guess that means that PW is nearing the end and it also means that my J1 year is almost done. today was spent with yijia, wandering around changi point, having lunch together with mum, then heading back to my place to catch up. it happened again today. just when i think i'm over it, somehow i will realise that i've gone one huge round, only to end up getting back to the starting again.

this feeling is seriously, for a lack of a better word, annoying.
some days are better than the other, and i wake up feeling optimistic, others are just a little more down i suppose. i'm just waiting for the right time, for the right thing to happen and then somehow, some way, it'll be okay again.

recently someone around me has been feeling the way i've been feeling. except that this person has been having this feeling longer than i've had it. it's not that i never knew, it's just that though i've tried to understand that feeling in the past, i never quite got it. not until i went through it myself.

to that person, i would like you to know: till the end, lost cause or not, don't give up. and though you may never read this, but well, i keep thinking i've said everything i could possibly say to you. still, i often find that i have alot more to say. i know that i'm being too nosey, but hey! it's me we're talking about, so you should know by now.

i keep saying: " i know that you're going through alot of crap. and that you have 3/4 a mind, or more, to give up and give in. you're tired of fighting a battle that you can't seem to win and as such, letting everything go seems like the easiest and best thing." but now i also know that though you're a brave person, you're still at times scared too. scared of the future and the unknown, the way everyone usually is.

i'm guessing that you're also afraid of failing again. i know that having that thought can seriously drive a person crazy, because you keep trying and trying but you're also worried that the outcome might still be the same. i'm scared too. scared of failing again. only, what's worst is that i think too much. i haven't even started my second chance, and yet, i'm already wondering if it's game over.

you've already started. yes, maybe it isn't a good start. maybe it's all a little messed up and you think you'll suck at everything. but think of all the time you've spent and maybe it'll keep you going for just a little longer. you've had more determination than me to get you this far, so if a person like me can still find the fight to go on, then i believe that eventually, you will too.

as long as there is belief, there is hope. your friends all believe in you. so then, you know you have hope. no one has given up on you yet, so please don't give up on yourself. don't give up because you've come this far. don't give up cause you might still make it. don't give up cause the fight isn't over yet.

i suppose when i see you going through this, i think of me. and i suppose that when i keep telling you all that i keep telling you, it's like i'm also trying to convince myself that i can do it too. just know that you're not alone, because there's someone else who might just be as afraid of what's to come as you are. but we'll find our own way to make it right again. we will eventually.

till then, don't give up.
'cause it's never over till you yourself give in.