38.7 degrees again.
this annoying fever is now just permanently stuck to me. it's been 2 nights and no medicine of mine is currently working but i refuse to see the doctor or go on MC. i just refuse to. i'll drag myself to school even if i have to.
sigh, shakespeare oh shakespeare, when can i finish your sonnet 18 and go to sleep?
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Monday, March 26, 2012
london.
okay, i admit, curiosity finally got the better of me and i googled them today.
they are cute, that's for sure. (: and the song's pretty catchy too. somehow i have a thought that it'll be nice to dance like an idiot to this song, jump around and do random crazy motions just for the fun of it. i shall maybe try that someday.
my favourite thing about this video would be where they filmed: LONDON!
what i would give to walk along the streets of london on a winter's day, soak in the city and all its sights and sounds. sit in the park and feed the pigeons, read a book in a cafe while drinking hot chocolate! laze around and just people watch, lay down somewhere and look at the clouds.
i'll take the BIG RED BUS to see the night scene, eat ice cream and get a brain freeze, sing my heart out along the river (hopefully no one will think i'm crazy and call the police) maybe even do my happy dance if i felt like it. the list really does go on and on.
one day i'll get there.
it may take awhile, with alot of working and saving but i will buy myself a one-way ticket to london, go on to paris then just explore all of france. i just really want to go there, like not think about anything, pack up, buy a ticket and leave it all behind for awhile. talk about being reckless.
suddenly, i'm yearning to take a trip far away from home.
to be alone and unafraid.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
better than.
i read this somewhere today, and somehow it struck a chord in my heart;
It’s like we’re scared to lose what we don’t even really have.
Some of us say we’d rather have that something than absolutely nothing.
But the truth is:
“To have it halfway is harder than not having it at all.”
-unknown
perhaps this is true for more than one aspect in life. it's something to consider, that's for sure.
It’s like we’re scared to lose what we don’t even really have.
Some of us say we’d rather have that something than absolutely nothing.
But the truth is:
“To have it halfway is harder than not having it at all.”
-unknown
perhaps this is true for more than one aspect in life. it's something to consider, that's for sure.
Friday, March 23, 2012
the hunger games.
it's been a busy first week, and finally i can find time to slow down a little and blog. new timetable this term, but there isn't much changes in the lesson schedule so it's fine. had a ton of work to hand in this week though and with new assignments as well as tests too, i'm feeling slightly drained from this week, but i managed to watch the hunger games today with a friend.
the movie's really quite good. i mean the cast is awesome, and there's enough of drama, romance and action in it i suppose. i think it's really quite a good watch. that said, i seem to have alot of movies that i want to watch lately! just that i don't have the time, or money.... still, i had a good laugh today cause of the one really hilarious and ridiculous moment during the movie with my friend. we did something really stupid and i laughed so hard i nearly fell off the chair. LOL.
oh yeah, my entire body is also aching cause of 50 mins of lunges, crunches, planks and tug jumps we did during pe ytd. i haven't ached this much since sec 4, this must mean that i haven't been working out enough... and laughing as hard as i did today only made me ache EVEN more. sigh, i'm really becoming a pig lately. >.<
haix, it's been almost 2 weeks. i think i miss someone. i'm not sure what i'm feeling really. i just know i miss that person.
the movie's really quite good. i mean the cast is awesome, and there's enough of drama, romance and action in it i suppose. i think it's really quite a good watch. that said, i seem to have alot of movies that i want to watch lately! just that i don't have the time, or money.... still, i had a good laugh today cause of the one really hilarious and ridiculous moment during the movie with my friend. we did something really stupid and i laughed so hard i nearly fell off the chair. LOL.
oh yeah, my entire body is also aching cause of 50 mins of lunges, crunches, planks and tug jumps we did during pe ytd. i haven't ached this much since sec 4, this must mean that i haven't been working out enough... and laughing as hard as i did today only made me ache EVEN more. sigh, i'm really becoming a pig lately. >.<
haix, it's been almost 2 weeks. i think i miss someone. i'm not sure what i'm feeling really. i just know i miss that person.
Saturday, March 17, 2012
stronger.
though the main gist of it is about how a bad relashionship can make one stronger, the song to me is really just applicable in every aspect of life.
what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
maybe one day if i get rebellious enough, i'll tattoo that on my wrist. then again, i have a serious issue with needles, so maybe not. nonetheless, i really do feel a sort of attachment to these words. if i had to have a code to swear by in life, it would be this.
and if there was a way to permanently etch this sentence into my head and heart, i would do it, just so that i can face my fears again. i'm getting really messed up by the unknown now. the more i fear what may happpen again, the more i'm hesitant in taking steps to change. it's such a vicious cycle, and i keep finding myself back to where i started off.
i'm racing against time this year, not a good time to hesitate or procrastinate. being weak in the mind gets no one anywhere. i wonder when will my mind and heart ever understand that a bad fall won't kill you, it just makes you stronger.
Friday, March 16, 2012
memories.
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| ridiculous, we are (: |
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| sisters 4 life <3 |
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| jiggsaw pieces (: |
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| zhu hai choir trip small + big (: |
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| banana sisters :D |
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| tan cousins valentines' 2011 |
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| my tian mi cousins (: |
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| mj girls <3 |
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| tkg girls <3 |
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| bff (: |
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| my crazy, vanilla-loving, shopaholic, pretty girl (: |
i was looking through all the photos in my albums today, and found myself missing these people. they are all amazing, ridiculously funny and have been a huge part of my life in some way or another. there are also others who i won't name, but you know who you guys are.
to these people: i sometimes really don't know what i'd do without you guys. thank you for keeping me sane and grounded, for always believing in me and being one of a kind. (:
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
so, it has come to this.
well now, tonight i just feel the need to get some stuff out of my head. and though i've promised to not think so much about this anymore, i still seem to find it relatively hard.
what you all think is actually far from the truth, and when i say it isn't true, i actually really mean it. though to others it would seem that something's going on, but looks can be deciving and i suppose that's what it is now? even i'm no longer sure.
time after time i tell myself to never make the same mistakes, never take those risks again. yet time after time, i find myself taking the same wrong steps again. the only thing that's different is that after each episode, i learn to be a little smarter and a little more cold-hearted.
what you all think is actually far from the truth, and when i say it isn't true, i actually really mean it. though to others it would seem that something's going on, but looks can be deciving and i suppose that's what it is now? even i'm no longer sure.
time after time i tell myself to never make the same mistakes, never take those risks again. yet time after time, i find myself taking the same wrong steps again. the only thing that's different is that after each episode, i learn to be a little smarter and a little more cold-hearted.
Monday, March 12, 2012
maybe, just maybe.
day 1 of the supposed march holidays, but it's not much of one as many would tell you. ah well, i 've been trying to finish up all my assignments as fast as i possibly can so that i can find time for other stuff as well.
i've had the time to see my girls though, and i found out something pretty shocking. a close friend of mine is now no longer single O.O i say it's shocking cause well, none of us saw it coming. AT ALL. it's like lightning on a bright sunny day. nonetheless, we're happy for her, hopefully things will work out well for them.
seeing my good friend now, and hearing her story, i started to think again (des, it's part of me, deal with it. haha!) we kinda sat down as a bunch and analyzed her situation and even she herself agreed that she based her then decisions solely based on her feelings then. she didn't really think much into it. it just felt right despite the age difference, the fact that they've only known each other for a short time and other stuff. so here they are now.
i guess you could call it a reflection: i think too much.
about everything really. i do wonder if this is a girl thing. (: still, perhaps if i didn't think ahead for certain things in my life, i wouldn't be here now. i missed out on certain people and things just cause i thought and considered too much.
maybe, just maybe i should just be reckless once and just go with the flow. let things happen without thinking? there doesn't have to be a reason for everything right? and if it doesn't work out, well, i could always go back to over-thinking again. lol.
see, it's happening again. i'm thinking too much.... GOODNESS. i can be such a serious conflict all on my own. ah well. (:
i've had the time to see my girls though, and i found out something pretty shocking. a close friend of mine is now no longer single O.O i say it's shocking cause well, none of us saw it coming. AT ALL. it's like lightning on a bright sunny day. nonetheless, we're happy for her, hopefully things will work out well for them.
seeing my good friend now, and hearing her story, i started to think again (des, it's part of me, deal with it. haha!) we kinda sat down as a bunch and analyzed her situation and even she herself agreed that she based her then decisions solely based on her feelings then. she didn't really think much into it. it just felt right despite the age difference, the fact that they've only known each other for a short time and other stuff. so here they are now.
i guess you could call it a reflection: i think too much.
about everything really. i do wonder if this is a girl thing. (: still, perhaps if i didn't think ahead for certain things in my life, i wouldn't be here now. i missed out on certain people and things just cause i thought and considered too much.
maybe, just maybe i should just be reckless once and just go with the flow. let things happen without thinking? there doesn't have to be a reason for everything right? and if it doesn't work out, well, i could always go back to over-thinking again. lol.
see, it's happening again. i'm thinking too much.... GOODNESS. i can be such a serious conflict all on my own. ah well. (:
Friday, March 9, 2012
dawn of realisation.
i have a very talented friend, and he wrote this song. it's something that i feel i can relate to, and his music always made me feel that there's something special about him that only time will one day show to the world.
Dawn Of Realisation.
this song was written during a period when he had to make a tough decision regarding the path he was about to take. yet the funny thing is that when i first heard this song and it's tittle, i was deciding on my own path too.
for the first time in a long time, i've finally found what i feel may be the best for me. this time, no one told me that this is something they feel i'm suited for in the future or that it's something they want me to do in the future.
finding this path on my own is surprisingly satisfying. though i know that what i'm deciding now for my future may not be what my parents deem as best for me, but just this once, i want to trust my gut feelings and just go for it.
i may not end up finding it here in sg, and if my decision eventually leads me away from home, i'm prepared to work for it at all costs. but that's another thing to consider when the time comes, for now i'm just glad i've found something to work towards, even if i only found it by chance.
though i may change my mind along the way, at least for now, the feeling of knowing and wanting to achieve something is just reassuring to me. let's see where i can go from here then.
and as i hear this song over and over again, i find myself falling in love with it. it says all my unspoken thoughts and feelings. what a talented kid.
Dawn Of Realisation.
this song was written during a period when he had to make a tough decision regarding the path he was about to take. yet the funny thing is that when i first heard this song and it's tittle, i was deciding on my own path too.
for the first time in a long time, i've finally found what i feel may be the best for me. this time, no one told me that this is something they feel i'm suited for in the future or that it's something they want me to do in the future.
finding this path on my own is surprisingly satisfying. though i know that what i'm deciding now for my future may not be what my parents deem as best for me, but just this once, i want to trust my gut feelings and just go for it.
i may not end up finding it here in sg, and if my decision eventually leads me away from home, i'm prepared to work for it at all costs. but that's another thing to consider when the time comes, for now i'm just glad i've found something to work towards, even if i only found it by chance.
though i may change my mind along the way, at least for now, the feeling of knowing and wanting to achieve something is just reassuring to me. let's see where i can go from here then.
and as i hear this song over and over again, i find myself falling in love with it. it says all my unspoken thoughts and feelings. what a talented kid.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
emotional whirlwind.
i had a pretty interesting lit lecture today, we've been doing poems lately and today's reading really gave me something to think about. i guess i would say the most impactful thought i've had today: we all sometimes have that feeling of us meaning to achieve something greater. something greater that's waiting for us outside, and yet there's something holding us back.
there's a reason why i always loved lit, maybe cause it allows you read so much in between the lines that it's almost as if you're in another world. it's also really magical at times, and i love how words can represent so many things. what you read is rarely ever literal.
but that's not the main point today, the thought that i've had today is i suppose a good summary of my feelings lately. i can't help but feel that there is a greater purpose for me, a purpose that i'm suppose to find, and that this extra year is a process for me to slowly find my way to that purpose maybe?
i've been feeling like an emotional trainwreck lately and it's a little hard to say what is wrong exactly, yet it's almost as if somewhere in my heart, i know what's wrong. talk about a real conflicting feeling. now as i'm writing this, i'm thinking about how confusing this will be to read. >.<
still, at some point in one's life, we will wonder what's that greater purpose we were ment to fufil, what's that greater thing waiting for us outside our boundaries. maybe i just need to stop wasting time wondering about my purpose and find a greater conviction to push myself on. but is it really a bad thing to wonder?
haix, i confuse myself with my own thoughts at times. it's like my thoughts are at war with each other.
a little quote from Smalltown Dance :
saying, Your sins too are made Monday new;
and see, ahead
that glimpse of unobstructed waiting green.
Run , run before you're seen.
- Judith Wright.
there's a reason why i always loved lit, maybe cause it allows you read so much in between the lines that it's almost as if you're in another world. it's also really magical at times, and i love how words can represent so many things. what you read is rarely ever literal.
but that's not the main point today, the thought that i've had today is i suppose a good summary of my feelings lately. i can't help but feel that there is a greater purpose for me, a purpose that i'm suppose to find, and that this extra year is a process for me to slowly find my way to that purpose maybe?
i've been feeling like an emotional trainwreck lately and it's a little hard to say what is wrong exactly, yet it's almost as if somewhere in my heart, i know what's wrong. talk about a real conflicting feeling. now as i'm writing this, i'm thinking about how confusing this will be to read. >.<
still, at some point in one's life, we will wonder what's that greater purpose we were ment to fufil, what's that greater thing waiting for us outside our boundaries. maybe i just need to stop wasting time wondering about my purpose and find a greater conviction to push myself on. but is it really a bad thing to wonder?
haix, i confuse myself with my own thoughts at times. it's like my thoughts are at war with each other.
a little quote from Smalltown Dance :
saying, Your sins too are made Monday new;
and see, ahead
that glimpse of unobstructed waiting green.
Run , run before you're seen.
- Judith Wright.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Thursday, March 1, 2012
OGL.
heh, random post today: tomorrow i shall be the closest thing to an ogl in mj, a CHOIR OGL. tomorrow is the start of our 2 day 1 night choir camp, i'm pretty excited because i'm one of the camp leaders this year, so should be pretty fun. but it'll be pretty hectic for the next two days because:
1) tomorrow is choir camp for 2 days
2) tomorrow is the release of A-level results (MY CHI RESULTS!!!)
3) roadrace is the following day, so it's in between choir camp
4) i'm now running competitive for both choir and atlas O.o
5) choir camp ends at 7 pm on sat, and my chem tuition: 7-9pm the same night.
also, i found out today that i'm now 1st-in-charge for the choir concert in may. meaning, i have to do posters, ticket design, choreography for the songs, publicity for the concert and other related stuff. O.O just when i thought i had done enough being 1st-in-charge for open house this year. OH WELL, at least there are people to help me and i look forward to the challenge. hopefully i'll do a good job this time round too (:
on another note, i keep feeling like i'm being piled up with school work and other commitments lately. i'm also cg rep now.. so there's quite some stuff to do. i really gotta have better time management.
I AM KINDA FREAKING OUT NOW BECAUSE I'M GETTING BACK MY CHI A-LEVEL RESULTS TOMORROW. i really hope i get an A. wish me luck.
1) tomorrow is choir camp for 2 days
2) tomorrow is the release of A-level results (MY CHI RESULTS!!!)
3) roadrace is the following day, so it's in between choir camp
4) i'm now running competitive for both choir and atlas O.o
5) choir camp ends at 7 pm on sat, and my chem tuition: 7-9pm the same night.
also, i found out today that i'm now 1st-in-charge for the choir concert in may. meaning, i have to do posters, ticket design, choreography for the songs, publicity for the concert and other related stuff. O.O just when i thought i had done enough being 1st-in-charge for open house this year. OH WELL, at least there are people to help me and i look forward to the challenge. hopefully i'll do a good job this time round too (:
on another note, i keep feeling like i'm being piled up with school work and other commitments lately. i'm also cg rep now.. so there's quite some stuff to do. i really gotta have better time management.
I AM KINDA FREAKING OUT NOW BECAUSE I'M GETTING BACK MY CHI A-LEVEL RESULTS TOMORROW. i really hope i get an A. wish me luck.
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