emotional whirlwind.

i had a pretty interesting lit lecture today, we've been doing poems lately and today's reading really gave me something to think about. i guess i would say the most impactful thought i've had today: we all sometimes have that feeling of us meaning to achieve something greater. something greater that's waiting for us outside, and yet there's something holding us back.

there's a reason why i always loved lit, maybe cause it allows you read so much in between the lines that it's almost as if you're in another world. it's also really magical at times, and i love how words can represent so many things. what you read is rarely ever literal.

but that's not the main point today, the thought that i've had today is i suppose a good summary of my feelings lately. i can't help but feel that there is a greater purpose for me, a purpose that i'm suppose to find, and that this extra year is a process for me to slowly find my way to that purpose maybe?

i've been feeling like an emotional trainwreck lately and it's a little hard to say what is wrong exactly, yet it's almost as if somewhere in my heart, i know what's wrong. talk about a real conflicting feeling. now as i'm writing this, i'm thinking about how confusing this will be to read. >.<

still, at some point in one's life, we will wonder what's that greater purpose we were ment to fufil, what's that greater thing waiting for us outside our boundaries. maybe i just need to stop wasting time  wondering about my purpose and find a greater conviction to push myself on. but is it really a bad thing to wonder?

haix, i confuse myself with my own thoughts at times. it's like my thoughts are at war with each other.





a little quote from Smalltown Dance :

saying, Your sins too are made Monday new;
and see, ahead
that glimpse of unobstructed waiting green.
Run , run before you're seen.

- Judith Wright.