goodbye, hello.

it's a little late, but hello August.

here we are, already into the 8th month of the year. they sure weren't kidding when they said this year would pass by in a flash. i thought it would go slower, or at least feel slower but honestly it feels that everything around me is seemingly happening faster than it did before.

do forgive my somewhat reflective mood tonight, it's like this every August. each year as i grow a year older in this month, i find myself falling into this reflective mood. it's a phrase and it does prove that old saying : "another year older, another year wiser" or perhaps in my case "another year being even more reflective"  O.o

so maroon 5's playing on my playlist tonight and i've spent about half an hour staring at the rain just now. i know that's pretty much a waste of time to some, but small things like that make me feel more at peace with myself i suppose. i'm a seriously awkward person sometimes.... but for those who know me, well it's pretty normal. (:

even with August here and promos down to about 50 odd days i find myself in a rather calm state and that is honestly quite shocking. i mean by now i would have expected myself to start freaking out constantly and what not. perhaps i'm feeling that way inside and that feeling is just waiting to explode in an eruption of hot mess. if possible let's try not to have another breakdown this year huh.

i've been reading up alot these nights. reading up on things that have changed my perspective and opinions on a certain issue and more importantly about myself. aside from recovering from being sick AGAIN, i've spent the past few nights attempting to "reform" myself to try to be a better person. (how weird does that sound? haha!) point being, i'm beginning to understand why things are they way they are now.

it's not really anyone's fault, but rather what we didn't do that made us the way we are today. i suppose along the way we got a little lost, a little hurt, a little disappointed and a little tired. so we all somehow stopped trying and this is the end result. in more than one way, i would like to keep believing and keep trying. or as the guys like to say it: "show some balls man". honestly, it's pretty applicable to various things in life.

i still believe in this : if you try, it'll eventually payoff. in some way or another it always will.

so whatever it may be: my studies, my relations, my aspirations, my life.
i'll keep working at it, i'll keep trying. and even if all the signs put me down and trip me over.
i won't ever give up.

so hello August, i'm ready to keep trying again.