it's not that i don't think about it from time to time, it's just that i ponder about it more the past weeks. almost every time i write lately, it's with a thought that someone gave to me. these days, i've been rather open about listening to people's opinions about me and where i should take my life maybe cause i find myself having A LOT of time on my hands to listen. or maybe it's because even with a vision of what i want to do in the future, i'm not so sure if it's right for me.
i don't really know if 18 year olds think about this the way i do (actually there most probably are quite a few) but i think about my future a lot. about my parents who i want to give a good life to because they've slogged so hard to raise me. i think about my grandparents and well, i think about my kids in the future. what i wanna be able to give to them; a good home, a good education, to have to ability to give them the best so that they can do better with their lives.
i think about myself too, what i will do in the years to come to make myself useful (in my terms), to work hard for my own keep and at some point in time, in the later part of my life, slow down and enjoy my life the way i want to.
there's so much that we all want to do. everyone has their own dreams, things that they really want and they are willing to work their butts of to achieve it. i'm no different from those people, i have dreams too. big dreams in fact.
but these days i wonder if i dream too big.
there's so much i want to achieve in life, things that if i wrote down the list might end up being longer than 2 pages. someone said to me today: " it's not that you can't dream big, but you must have the capabilities to dream it." with that in mind and in lieu of my past 2 years, i wonder if perhaps i've been dreaming a little too big?
"if you can dream it you can achieve it" - Walt Disney
i wonder if Disney's right. he most probably is right? i mean for him to come up with this, he must have done it in his own way. faced setbacks, struggled, fall flat on his face and somehow he managed to get back up again to achieve all that he has under that huge name of his: Disney.
so then, whose to say i can't have my dreams? i can dream big, i can live large in the future as long as i work for it right? it's just that i worry that working hard might not get me there anymore.
it has come to a point where i sometimes doubt even my most resolved beliefs.
and that scares me a little. because even when i doubt myself, i never let it linger for too long. in the end when it's the crucial moment, i still trust in myself to do well and to do the best that i can. but 2 years of not really achieving much has left me with this question for myself:
"if you can dream it you can achieve it" - Walt Disney
i wonder if Disney's right. he most probably is right? i mean for him to come up with this, he must have done it in his own way. faced setbacks, struggled, fall flat on his face and somehow he managed to get back up again to achieve all that he has under that huge name of his: Disney.
so then, whose to say i can't have my dreams? i can dream big, i can live large in the future as long as i work for it right? it's just that i worry that working hard might not get me there anymore.
it has come to a point where i sometimes doubt even my most resolved beliefs.
and that scares me a little. because even when i doubt myself, i never let it linger for too long. in the end when it's the crucial moment, i still trust in myself to do well and to do the best that i can. but 2 years of not really achieving much has left me with this question for myself:
a year ago i set out to find myself, and i think in the past year i've done exactly that. i haven't excelled in it, but at least now i have a better idea of me(for a lack of a better word). i'm no longer a lost girl in life searching for a goal and a dream, i'm now a girl who instead wonders if she can be larger than life and achieve her dreams. that's sort of an improvement.
though with what i have now, that would seem like a very difficult thing to do indeed.
but i'll get there somehow. whatever it takes and whatever the road, i will accomplish the dreams i have for myself.
i guess that's it for now. if you were wondering, that call still hasn't come.
so i still don't really know what the next year of my life will be like. what i do know is that regardless of the outcome, the next one year is going to be the toughest yet. because i'll either be dealing w A's or dealing with a whole new environment. but whatever comes, i'll pull through. i know i will.
this song has been keeping me company these days, it really calms me down from all the anxiety lately and i'm beginning to fall in love with the band.
though with what i have now, that would seem like a very difficult thing to do indeed.
but i'll get there somehow. whatever it takes and whatever the road, i will accomplish the dreams i have for myself.
i guess that's it for now. if you were wondering, that call still hasn't come.
so i still don't really know what the next year of my life will be like. what i do know is that regardless of the outcome, the next one year is going to be the toughest yet. because i'll either be dealing w A's or dealing with a whole new environment. but whatever comes, i'll pull through. i know i will.
this song has been keeping me company these days, it really calms me down from all the anxiety lately and i'm beginning to fall in love with the band.
for the foxes - the river.
on another note, i'll be away for awhile. my parents think we all need a little break from this. it would seem like i always travel somewhere every time something drastic is about to happen in my life... when i return i guess i'll know where i belong, and so i shall wait all over again.
No comments:
Post a Comment