the end of January.

Last day of the month: 31st January.

i woke up this morning to the bright blue sky. :)
as much as i love the rain, i'm a big fan of fine weather days like these too
it's my second day at home
and i'm feeling rather bummed about missing school cause i'm sick
but to be honest, i'm enjoying the fact that i'm getting more than enough sleep these past 2 days
the habit of waking up at 6 plus 7 every morning hasn't changed
but it feels so good knowing that i can go back to sleep cause i don't have to go to school.
i'll most probably have a lot of catching up when i return
even though i've been doing some work at home too
but that's a worry for when i go back tomorrow.
so i'm just gonna chill on my bed, sleep, do some work and not worry ~

i really like the weather today
it's the kinda weather where it's just not right to be at home, or in the office, or at school.
this is a "do-what you-want, when-you-want" kinda weather.
if i wasn't a student i would most probably choose to waste life away for awhile
just to know what it feels like to be free for awhile; no need for deadlines, projects, due dates etc
that sounds like my after A's plans, at least till i get a job.
a little early to say that though with the entire year ahead of me
then again, it's already end Jan.

it's going a little too fast, and i know i can't slow it down
guess that means i just have to keep up.

Nostalgic.

haven't touched my space for more than a week so i'm starting to feel slightly guilty for neglecting this area. since it's Tues and Wed are relatively short, i'll take my chances and a break from work to write a little (:

Bruno Mars - When I Was Your Man

one of current favourite songs these days even though i suppose i can't really identify much with the lyrics but it's been a long time since i've found a song whereby i fell instantly in love with the melody. laying in bed at night with this song on replay, sometimes it's like i can hear his inner most feelings through every word he sings (okay, slight exaggeration) but that's exactly how it is to me. i guess that's why i sometimes love his songs, it always seems so genuine and never fake, just the way loving someone should be.

enough of that though, it's already week 4 of school and i was telling Faith yesterday after math about how time is suddenly going past so quickly. week 1 felt like forever, week 2 was slightly bearable, week 3 went past faster than expected and before we know it, it's now week 4. Nette and i did some quick calculations, we have about 1 month and a little more to MBTs.... the level of preparedness right now is about equivalent ground-zero and with so much to do on a day-to-day basis, it's really hard to even bring ourselves to start on revision.

i've had 2 chem class test this week so far, and it's only Tuesday. not to mention the chem lecture test this Thurs... it's all a little crazy and honestly, a little hard to grasp but we're all trying. in whatever ways we can, we are all just trying. 

at the very least, trying must amount to something right? i hope it does. J2 is still a slightly foreign concept to me but i'm surrounded by people who make it much more bearable and for that i'm very grateful. somehow the thought of the J1s coming in this Fri isn't very appealing because i realise my comfortable silence and space is going to be intruded on soon. was this how my friends felt about us last year? must be it huh. but whether or not we like it the J1s are coming and things are gonna get busier around school. it's 10 more months, just 10 more months.

all that aside, i got round to finishing up my vision board over the weekend and i've handed it in to my CTs today. though it's not really well done, but i'm pretty happy w the outcome of it (:

vision board 2013

i also managed to meet Ed last Fri for dinner and i ended up dragging him around to do some shopping with me while we talked. i think i'm gonna miss him A LOT when he enlists in 2 weeks, something that is pretty much inevitable. but i'm proud to say that he's cut down the pigging by quite a lot and actually sees the daylight now instead of cooping up at home like some no-life kid. he's been getting round to a little exercising and erm, girl-spying? (ahem) i shall not expose him too much.

i spent yesterday afternoon w the CGreps going around to check out the HDB areas that our various classes are in charge of for "Project Festive" this coming Sat. it's essentially a project where all of MJ including our teachers are going door-to-door of the blocks near our area to wish the residents happy CNY, give them oranges and collect old clothes from them to sell and the money will be donated to some charities. basically it's a giant MJ CIP project. first of it's kind i might add. somehow i have a feeling the residents will be slightly overwhelmed by the sight of so many Meridians early on a Saturday morning but it's all for a good cause, so hopefully we'll get to help the charities more with this project.

In the end we ended up at a mama shop under block 516 after checking out of respective blocks and we lepaked along the road while listening to someone play his guitar on the second floor. it was just us sitting there, 5 friends whose paths crossed meeting each other in MJ. looking up at the clear blue skies and HDB blocks that surrounded us, the reminders of our childhood behind us in the form of  20 cent rides on toy car machines, $1 dollar surprises from the rows of toy boxes and the endless bulletins on the wall, it was all a little nostalgic. from people who grew up separately with the same kinda experiences, to people who met and revisited these moments together. i've mentioned it a lot, but i'm so dang glad i became the cg rep because i got to meet them.

a part of everyone's childhood.

OUR PRIZE (:

on the days when you're tired and think that school is weighing you down with OGL, CCA commitments and other stuff on our plate it's sometimes the friends and company you keep with you that gives you the strength to keep persevering. it may be a little early in the year for us to feel tired, but all the teachers are right when they say we cannot take this journey alone. finding them outside of the 12s class girls has been another great blessing and i know that 2013 will be much more bearable with them by my side because all my old friends are moving on to Uni and Army.
yet i know that as this bunch of kids are becoming to be, my old friends are still very much important to me. i'm honestly a lucky girl with all of them and the family i have.

with all in mind, i'm starting to feel that i might just survive 2013 a little better than i thought i would.

what if money were no object?

second week of being J2.
not sure where to begin about school life now. should i say i expected it? or is it more like i haven't quite fully grasp the concept of living this way for the next 10 months plus? every night i find myself almost dead from the short day of school and revising my work is like processing information with a jammed socket somewhere in my head. yes, i had an idea that it would be like this. yes, i knew that i would be in for a hard time seeing i was so far behind to begin with. and yes, i know this is only the beginning and it hasn't even began to be tough.

but knowing all this doesn't make me less perplexed of how i will end up 10 months from now. the outcome of all the years i've spent in MJ will hopefully be a rewarding one for me. sometimes it's not how hard you try, it's the way you try it. it's a true sentence, but the me now is still trying to figure out what is the right way for me to go about doing this. not the best state i must say.

Chrystal lesson this week was the first of the year and since the purpose of Chrystal is character-building and all that, it's always been a lesson on values and self-discovery. this week our teachers gave us back our personal vision card from last year (something that i've long forgotten with the passing of 2012 and all that i've been through) holding that card in my hand and seeing the vision i had for myself, i was suddenly reminded of my dreams for myself last year, of the things i wanted to be last year.

my 5 values last year was: Happiness, Family, Hope, Love and Health
my vision for 2012 was:

I will...

DREAM BIG,

FIGHT HARD,

SMILE BRIGHT.

the entire year passed and i admit i forgot all about these 8 simple words. even though i dreamt, i fought and i smiled but it wasn't in the way that i had in mind when i wrote those words.

now 2013 is here, my A's is in less than 10 months and i thought carefully of what i wanted as my 5 values this year. not much of a change from what i've always valued, but a little different in retrospect of the year ahead: Happiness, Family, Hope, Love and Determination.

somehow in the past i always thought my own determination to get to my goals was enough, but 2012 taught me that that determination wasn't as strong as i thought it was. i was determined, just not enough. and so i figured that i need to remind of myself of this determination that has kept me going till today.

Happiness because what is life if you aren't happy? Family because they are the people who have never forsaken me. Hope because miracles can happen and efforts do make a difference and Love because only when you learn to love your life, can you really live it without holding back.

our CTs also gave us another food for thought (and this video) :
what if money were no object? what would you do with your life right now, with your future?

what if money were no object?

we were given 10 mins to write whatever we wanted to do if money wasn't an issue for the future. I did just that. i wrote and wrote and wrote and at the end of the 10 mins, i realised i had more than 10 things listed in great detail. from where i want to go, to why i want to go there. what i want to do with my time, the things i want to learn, sights i want to see, the environments i want to live in, the food i want to try, the charity organisations i want to be part of.

all those things, if money were no object....

of course, back to reality and we often have to choose between what is socially accepted and our desires. people may say i'm a weakling for not choosing my desires over what the society expects of me but the cold, hard truth is that what i desire will not support me for the rest of my life. it will not support my parents or the family that i want to have. 

and so in the end i'm taking the route that most of us end up taking, the route that has been traveled by many before; the route of convention.

sometimes i find myself wondering why we all have this common mentality of how we should live our life: school, uni, job, family etc. i know that this is essential for what people call the "good" life or maybe just a normal one (considering the SOL these days) but is it really just that? or is it also because most of us were brought up with this mindset that if all goes well (and you choose right), this is the life for you. i hardly ever hear people tell me that they're gonna quit school/their jobs to live life the way they've always wanted to, not without having a substantial amount of money to deplete at least.

and so sometimes, it all boils down to money.

the reason why some people work so hard (the average income households, like mine), the reason why people study so hard now for that spot in our local Universities, the reason why we are in JC/Poly/ITE and other various educational institutions. the roads are all different but the aim is still the same: Money. money to survive, to live the way we want to, to do what we desire.

i'm not saying that this is a wrong mentality, i just sometimes wonder if my endless struggle is cause of my incompetence or if it's what this society deems of me and what my future should be.

"if money were no object."

this will most probably never be applicable to me for most of my life (hopefully i may one day be financially stable enough for this sentence to apply to me) but i suppose for 95% of the world's population it's pretty much the same. we're gonna have to struggle to achieve success and we are gonna have to work hard for our own keep in this vast world.

i can't say i can take the easy way out, i can't place my desires over what's right of me to do (for now at least) so i'll make the best of what i can and try to do my best in the conventional life that i have to lead for now.

the rest is still unwritten, my future is still a huge question mark. i decide how it's gonna be.

who knows? maybe one day money will no longer be an object.

Atlas Dragons.

ATLAS MASS DANCE 2013! (:

Found this online this morning.

watching us dance is really a rather amazing feeling and i didn't screw up the way i thought i did. we may have not been as good as some of the other houses, but we did our best. that's good enough (:

Open House 2013.

another year, another open house.

it's my 3rd open house with MJ already, counting the year i came in to perform as a DSA student in 2011. nothing is ever really the same and this 3rd open house is no different. there were good times and disappointing moments for everyone but its another open house i will remember as well. :)

been staying in school till almost 10pm or later every day this past week to work on all the Open House stuff and all of it paid off today. be it the Cg booth, Choir performance or the Mass Dance performance. it was a different feeling cause of the different people, but the excitement of seeing juniors and old faces of friends who have graduated is still very much the same.

Although in the end Atlas didn't get what we wanted but it's a memory for me, a good one because of the people i've managed to meet in the dance team. i didn't know 90% of the team when i went in but after the past1 month they've become people who i feel comfortable with. people who sweat, practice and laugh with me till the school becomes completely dark, people who i can talk crap with over lunch cause we've been dancing the whole morning. and that's enough. however we did isn't really important anymore cause we had fun.

with Open House over, school is about to really get serious. i kinda miss dance already, even though i'm injured everywhere from all the moves, cause it gave me some fun and it also meant that we had something to look forward to. but since i can't run from it, i must as well face the days ahead as best as i can. time to really start mugging like what the whole world thinks MJ kids do.

us at the opening ceremony! (:

day 1.

first day of school and i can only think of one word: tired.
i'm lying almost vertically on my bed to type this right now and my eyes are closing almost every minute.

i guess it's cause we're all not used to having school again so everyone just looked exhausted today. that plus the new classrooms, new teachers, new timetable, extra undone work, open house preparations, CCA commitments and the chem test scheduled this week, i would say i'm pretty much ready to just take another break -.-

a quick check of my schedule and i realise that i'll be coming home past 8.30 every night this week, just like today, until Friday comes. i really hope this lightens up after open house.

MJC OPEN HOUSE 2013!

okay, i'm not a huge fan of the poster. but regardless of that, here are the details for our open house!

so, first day of J2.

today, well today was a pretty funny day. Ms Lai addressed all of us in morning assembly and the first thing she said was: welcome back J2s, we're going to have a fantastic year ahead and i've missed you. but the biometric system says that about 500 of you are absent today. (that's 3/5 of our cohort?!) to which she then proceeded to call random names of students to check our attendance.

the new classrooms are seriously, er, futuristic? 

we're now writing on walls and sitting in circles on tables that have wheels on them. the wall doubles up as an interactive screen as well. i'm not really big on changes, so this whole "new classroom" thing is really weird for me...

somehow trying to orientate myself to school again is not really working out very well. by the time it was 7.30pm just now most of us felt like we had gone through a week of school, not just a day. how did my friends get past all this last year? or is this just something that i will get accustom to after a week? i honestly hope i get the hang of life like this.

workload is still rather manageable for the first day, but listening to the teachers talk about the months ahead, A-levels and how we already don't have much time left is really beginning to scare me. IT'S ONLY DAY ONE for goodness sake!! i'm just gonna take a deep breath, sleep and wake up earlier later to finish planning stuff for the week. 

day one of life as a J2.
it's turning out to be slightly more challenging than i thought it would start off, but maybe it's a blessing in disguise. maybe it's better that we get busy from day 1.

10 months minus 2 days to the start of A-levels.

10 months and about 3 over weeks that i have to survive. 

i can do this.

better than it was.

Haven't taken the time to update my space these past few days cause it's been pretty hectic lately, but it's all died down now and here i am.

i figured we all need a little of this in our everyday lives.

So, school starts on Monday....
i've been listening to some complain about how life ahead in J2 is gonna be tough for us and i've also been hearing my other friends tell me how seriously happy they are that they've finally graduated from MJ. it's a pretty mixed response on my part.

I suppose as much as i'm afraid of the year ahead, i'm rather relieved to finally get it started. Must as well start school and get a taste of what it's like, rather than sit around and live in denial till A's actually hits me in the face right? one would think that with me always hanging around my J2 friends last year, i would be mentally prepared for what lies ahead. i'm not sure if i agree though. after all, preparing yourself for something and going through it is two rather completely different things. we shall have to see what life ahead is like come Monday then.

As weird as this sounds but when i got a text from school yesterday telling me about my new timetable and reporting time, i actually stoned for a bit to process the situation. the text started: DEAR JC2, .... in my head i realised: "J2? oh yeah, i'm in J2. wow, i'm finally a J2??" i realise that this sounds very ridiculous to other people, but it's really rather surreal to me. i wonder if it's cause throughout the past 2 years in MJ, all i've ever been referred to is: DEAR JC1.
now that i'm finally moving forward, it feels like i'm leaving a part of me behind. it's definitely good news cause no one wants to get stuck in a place with no progress, but i guess i just find the mental processing a little hard on my part.

Was this how my friends felt? J1 to J2 is a rather big change in many aspects maybe more for me after 2 years of doing (almost) the same thing and seeing all my close friends/seniors graduate, move on to Uni and up to J2 without me. it's a weird feeling to finally have a chance to see what it's like to move on and leave things behind instead of always being the one left behind. but it's a good weird i guess, it's finally time to see what lies ahead in life for me. (sorta, needa survive A's first)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On another note, i finally met up with Edward on thurs. to say that i'm happy to see him is a HUGE understatement :) he's totally becoming a 宅男 though because all he does is sleep, eat, watch his huge collection of shows and the cycle just repeats. of course he denies all my accusations, but he was in a good mood and let me have my way in the end.
it was a good afternoon with Ed. i kinda miss all these little things that count with the people who truly matter and i was reminded that he's a person who i can say all my biggest worries to and we can literally talk all day. i'm rather grateful for this bro of mine :)

The long overdue date w the CGreps aka my burden family was finally arranged for as well. this is another bunch of people i'm very grateful to have met in 2012 because the 4 of them has each made doing j1 over much more bearable. the unspoken, retarded, truly unbelievable things that we've done and been through through together the past 1 year never fails to make me laugh but what amazes me most is that i never expected to find another family of friends who are all equally, if not more, weird than me but are willing to accept each other for the nonsense we subject each other to. :D

it's a super blur photo of the polaroid, but this is the burden family. <3

All that plus a few other encounters has made my last week of freedom complete. i'm rather happy with what i've accomplish this short break (in terms of my social life at least) though there are a few people whom i never got the chance to meet, but i'll think of them often and that's good enough for now.

2013 is turning out to be.... nicer (can't think of a better word) than i expected, at least the first few days are better than what i thought. hopefully the year ahead will be a good one in many aspects. someone mentioned to me yesterday that my horoscope outlook for the year seems to be a rather good one, in certain areas especially, (ahem) hahahaha! i wonder if i should take her words seriously. O.o if so, 2013 looks like a pretty good year for me. then again, the thing about horoscopes is whether you actually believe in it or not. i suppose i shall just have see how accurate it turns out to be :)

you.

second one for tonight.
it's almost one in the morning,
the time of night where people start to think too much.
i'm writing too often, but it's therapy for me.

sometimes i wonder if it was a mistake, but i don't like regretting.

i don't think it was a mistake 

just the wrong time, the wrong moment maybe.

one of my personal resolutions this year is to learn.

learn in every aspect possible.

learn to stay strong on my own, learn to let the past go

learn to be more detach, to be more forgiving, to be more independent.

learn to be less of a worry to people and to worry less about people

learn more about life, about trust and faith 

and maybe even learn how to say goodbye to some of the people i love the most; my family.

it's day 3 of the year

and i think i'm learning well.

i thought i didn't need an answer to go on with the year

but i realise that i always knew the answer.

i always say how time changes people, how no one is ever really the same.

i was wrong. partially at least

we're still the same people we were around each other, we just discovered more about each other.

time doesn't change anything that doesn't want to be changed

and so we're still the same; same laughs, same jokes, same way of talking to each other.

but we're also different

at least i know i am different.

different because unfortunately, i've learnt to expect.

and with every expectation, comes a sense of responsibility

one that no one is currently able to shoulder.

sometimes i wonder if i've been a disappointment to the people who expected something of me.

am i the person they thought i was?

or am i an utter disappointment of what they wanted me to be.

sometimes i wonder how you see me

and i wonder if i'm a disappointment to you.

life's too short for my endless "what ifs"

so i'll learn to stop asking 'what if' and just accept things as they are

i can finally feel a difference in 2013

but i'm not bitter about it, because i know that eventually i will find my own way.

and the fact that i can say that is a change from the me 5 years ago

that's something to be proud of.

everything happens for a reason, 

every person that is/was special to you has their purpose in your life.

i'm gonna keep this in mind and continue living life everyday.

whatever it was, whatever it will be

i'm just glad i met you.

my supergirl.

it's my dear friend's birthday today.
HAPPY 19TH JO!

<3

this is a really unflattering photo of us but it was the most recent one thus far. and it does not matter that it's unflattering cause we're too good friends to care about glam or not. (:

this girl is one of the reasons why i ended up in MJ. when we were in sec 4, both of us got accepted into MJ as DSA kids and at that time i was really hesitant about agreeing (even though i've always wanted MJ) while she had already decided to take up the offer. stuff happened afterwards and in the end Jo was the one of the people who convinced me that i should really take up on the offer.

so i said yes and well, here i am now. so strictly speaking, i owe all that has happened in the past 2 years to her, my best friend since the first day i met her (literally). she's a girl that means so much to me in ways that i cannot describe because even though we both entered MJ, we've barely managed to spend time with each other these past 2 years but she was always there when i needed her most and i hope the same goes for me. 

i know how time can fade almost everything, from friendships to relationships, some things just cannot withstand time but i'm glad that through all that we've been through since day 1, we're still here and we're still together.

hello jo (:

just in case you ever get a chance to read this, i just wanna say thank you for coming into my life when we first met. i remember every word of the first sentence you said to me back then and the way we greeted each other (: it's the 5th year now and we may be very different from the girls who used to hide in the classrooms during recess and talk endlessly for 40 mins, but i honestly believe that we've only grown closer with time and i'm truly super elated that it's so.

Happy Birthday my dear friend. our friendship so far hasn't been one that has lasted through decades, but i really hope it does. <3

2013.

First day of 2013.

the weather is so nice today, is it cause it's 1st Jan? i'm still in my PJ's at this hour and yawning all the way while i was doing revision this morning. i don't really feel like it's a New Year but i think i just need some time for it to sink into my head. i had too much time at the end of 2011 so i was fully prepared for when 2012 started, but it's not the case this 2013.

first things first though, HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone! may the year ahead be kind to you. :)

the party at my place ended late last night with us filling up my entire house with sparkler smoke because of our miscalculated wind direction. >.< but it was a swell night with the family and listening to the adults talk about their childhood and the kids messing around, talking about life and how OLD WE ARE ALL GROWING. of course we cam whored too, photos coutesy of my 二姐!

my beloved second sis <3

now that 2012 is really over, i realise that the seemingly short year had so many good and also occasionally bad times. today i woke up thankful for the life i have, with the family and friends i've been given. i'm glad that i'm still healthy and living life the way i want to (sort of). i've made mistakes, i've done some stupid things, i've been disappointed, i've been a disappointment myself but that's all in the past now so it's time to look forward and do better!

i suppose the lesson in 2012 is that i'm not perfect, and no one is.

but honestly, there isn't a need for anyone to be perfect. and so my New Year's resolution for 2013:

is to be who i am, learn from what i've becomed thus far and take life as it comes to me. most importantly, to be grateful for what i have because it was either given to me or i had to work my ass off for it. either way, it sure didn't come easy. :)

school's starting in 6 days. i can almost feel the whole "J2 stress" thing. :/ ah well, one step at a time.