what if money were no object?

second week of being J2.
not sure where to begin about school life now. should i say i expected it? or is it more like i haven't quite fully grasp the concept of living this way for the next 10 months plus? every night i find myself almost dead from the short day of school and revising my work is like processing information with a jammed socket somewhere in my head. yes, i had an idea that it would be like this. yes, i knew that i would be in for a hard time seeing i was so far behind to begin with. and yes, i know this is only the beginning and it hasn't even began to be tough.

but knowing all this doesn't make me less perplexed of how i will end up 10 months from now. the outcome of all the years i've spent in MJ will hopefully be a rewarding one for me. sometimes it's not how hard you try, it's the way you try it. it's a true sentence, but the me now is still trying to figure out what is the right way for me to go about doing this. not the best state i must say.

Chrystal lesson this week was the first of the year and since the purpose of Chrystal is character-building and all that, it's always been a lesson on values and self-discovery. this week our teachers gave us back our personal vision card from last year (something that i've long forgotten with the passing of 2012 and all that i've been through) holding that card in my hand and seeing the vision i had for myself, i was suddenly reminded of my dreams for myself last year, of the things i wanted to be last year.

my 5 values last year was: Happiness, Family, Hope, Love and Health
my vision for 2012 was:

I will...

DREAM BIG,

FIGHT HARD,

SMILE BRIGHT.

the entire year passed and i admit i forgot all about these 8 simple words. even though i dreamt, i fought and i smiled but it wasn't in the way that i had in mind when i wrote those words.

now 2013 is here, my A's is in less than 10 months and i thought carefully of what i wanted as my 5 values this year. not much of a change from what i've always valued, but a little different in retrospect of the year ahead: Happiness, Family, Hope, Love and Determination.

somehow in the past i always thought my own determination to get to my goals was enough, but 2012 taught me that that determination wasn't as strong as i thought it was. i was determined, just not enough. and so i figured that i need to remind of myself of this determination that has kept me going till today.

Happiness because what is life if you aren't happy? Family because they are the people who have never forsaken me. Hope because miracles can happen and efforts do make a difference and Love because only when you learn to love your life, can you really live it without holding back.

our CTs also gave us another food for thought (and this video) :
what if money were no object? what would you do with your life right now, with your future?

what if money were no object?

we were given 10 mins to write whatever we wanted to do if money wasn't an issue for the future. I did just that. i wrote and wrote and wrote and at the end of the 10 mins, i realised i had more than 10 things listed in great detail. from where i want to go, to why i want to go there. what i want to do with my time, the things i want to learn, sights i want to see, the environments i want to live in, the food i want to try, the charity organisations i want to be part of.

all those things, if money were no object....

of course, back to reality and we often have to choose between what is socially accepted and our desires. people may say i'm a weakling for not choosing my desires over what the society expects of me but the cold, hard truth is that what i desire will not support me for the rest of my life. it will not support my parents or the family that i want to have. 

and so in the end i'm taking the route that most of us end up taking, the route that has been traveled by many before; the route of convention.

sometimes i find myself wondering why we all have this common mentality of how we should live our life: school, uni, job, family etc. i know that this is essential for what people call the "good" life or maybe just a normal one (considering the SOL these days) but is it really just that? or is it also because most of us were brought up with this mindset that if all goes well (and you choose right), this is the life for you. i hardly ever hear people tell me that they're gonna quit school/their jobs to live life the way they've always wanted to, not without having a substantial amount of money to deplete at least.

and so sometimes, it all boils down to money.

the reason why some people work so hard (the average income households, like mine), the reason why people study so hard now for that spot in our local Universities, the reason why we are in JC/Poly/ITE and other various educational institutions. the roads are all different but the aim is still the same: Money. money to survive, to live the way we want to, to do what we desire.

i'm not saying that this is a wrong mentality, i just sometimes wonder if my endless struggle is cause of my incompetence or if it's what this society deems of me and what my future should be.

"if money were no object."

this will most probably never be applicable to me for most of my life (hopefully i may one day be financially stable enough for this sentence to apply to me) but i suppose for 95% of the world's population it's pretty much the same. we're gonna have to struggle to achieve success and we are gonna have to work hard for our own keep in this vast world.

i can't say i can take the easy way out, i can't place my desires over what's right of me to do (for now at least) so i'll make the best of what i can and try to do my best in the conventional life that i have to lead for now.

the rest is still unwritten, my future is still a huge question mark. i decide how it's gonna be.

who knows? maybe one day money will no longer be an object.