Long gone, moved on.

The Script - Long Gone and Moved On.

Friends and family who turn my frown upside down~

Went out with Er Jie today for major htht and makan session since the Le L's plan to surprise Chrisy pie failed to happen cause she fell sick ): but she had her Zacky pie to cheer her up and she's much better now.

Haven't had a girls day out with Jie in forever and it felt so good. Times like this she's more the bff than my older sister. Sharing with me all her work worries/ personal secrets (hehehe) and in turn letting me talk about anything and EVERYTHING, ranting my feelings and my insecurities and laughing our heads off cause we do something retarded together in the middle of a crowded street. Sisters really make the worst enemy and best friends. You may fight growing up, but past a certain age you understand that they will be the ones to give you advice, support and love when you fall flat on your face in life, when you feel so dang hopeless, when your heart's so broken you almost can't find the pieces.

And that's exactly what she is to me <3 <3 <3

Today I thought about Fate.

Whether it really exists or everything is just a series of consequences from our actions and coincidences. I've been avoiding all of it like they all tell me too. "Don't care, don't look, don't think, don't feel" like they all tell me to. It's working, it really is.

Just some days he's still a shadow over me. When knowing that they are together doing the things we used to do, going to the places we used to go, doing the things we might have done together. Some days this shadow hangs over me. Today is one of those days.

It doesn't really happen often anymore, that heartache when I see his tweets or the way other people respond to the both of them. It's now a quiet pain that pokes at me, a scar that's slowly healing. He's happy, really happy and I'm the bystander watching outside. We said we would be friends, I thought that it was possible. I forgot that most couples that end don't end up as friends, I forgot that he doesn't want or need me in his life anymore.

What is Fate exactly?

Is it real? Or is everything just a result of my own actions and the funny thing people call coincidence. I don't think I'll ever figure that out. 

Suddenly my memory of us is blurry, almost like a dream. Maybe that's what we've become: nothing but fragments of lingering moments, warmth, words and forgotten promises. I know I shouldn't but I still wonder if I wasn't good enough.

I sometimes still miss him.

But I know he's no longer the guy that belonged with me, and that still saddens me.