Old is Gold.

So my cousin texted me Happy Birthday yesterday and knowing my apprehension towards turning 21, he ended his really nice birthday message with the words: Young is good, but Old is Gold.
HAHAHA I've got to admit, that made me feel a little better.

Finally turned 21 yesterday and like some of my closest friends have told me: actually, there's no difference haha. I'm still me, my views are still the same. Nothing much has changed really. But I guess to my family a lot is different. 21 has always been a bigger a deal to the adults than to us kids (I AM STILL A KID, I DON'T CARE HAHAHA) So now comes the talk of life responsibilities, adulthood, getting myself a relationship and what not -  typical adult stuff yeah? Can I just say: I'm still not ready for all this serious talk. It's all happening as if someone flipped a switch and suddenly my parents, aunts and uncles are having all these conversations with me that has NEVER been mentioned before? LOL

But in the midst of all of that, I am much grateful for the love and well wishes from the different people in my life these last 2 weeks especially, with the birthday party last weekend then the celebrations and surprises this week. It's like I can never forget how lucky I am: because so many people give me reminders all the time <3

I know many people don't know the real me, and so there's a lot of speculations, talks and assumptions. I can't deny that there have been so many a times when all that have gotten to me and I second guess myself - happens to everyone I think. But then these kind people come along and tell me plainly put: "Those who don't know you well enough to say stuff like that can just shit off. They aren't worth your time. All that matters is that we know who you are, and we love you for that. Just keep being you." 

When I was turning 20, I kept telling myself I needed to remember to be thankful and to learn to let things go. When I was turning 21, I second guessed myself for a moment wondering if all that I had been doing for other people was right - and why was it that sometimes even my closest of friends and family still couldn't really understand me. Don't get me wrong, I know how loved I already am. I guess it was just one of those moments when you get selfish and wished for more. But then boobie reminded me: we are sometimes blinded by how much love is given to us, but just because it's not always visible, doesn't mean it ever disappears. The love they all have for me is always there, they just sometimes forget to show it. That same night someone told me: The thing I've realised is that there are times when we have to just say what we want. Other people can't guess what's on our minds. So help them a little by saying it.

Of course the moment has passed and those thoughts went as quickly as they came.
Thinking back it's quite silly of me to have such thoughts. A little at least haha. I guess I was feeling a little nervous of what being an adult was going to mean for me. Both of them are right though, and again proof that I'm blessed for having friends/family who will be there when I need them: regardless of when or where.

The me now is just kinda very clear that I need to start taking charge of my life -  to do things for myself because it makes me happy, and not to just please others. To know when some people/things are doing me more harm than good and when I need to let them go. The last few months have seen me become more of that, and I'm happy I'm finally not caring for others so much that I forget about myself #smallsteps

I'll still remember to be thankful and grateful for all the little things though, they are afterall, the things that got me this far in life. Think I might be slightly more ready for this whole "adulthood" thing now. Just gotta try my best and follow my heart I think :))