2:04 am

ah, another quiet night.

taking a break from my math to update my space and clear my mind a little. i'm getting plauged by all these little mindless thoughts of mine really. :/ staying up late is obviously becoming a habit of mine. but with Euros and MYEs just around the corner, i guess it makes sense.

Adele's still keeping me company all these nights. i don't know, i suppose i just find her voice soothing. it calms me a little i guess, or maybe i'm just a sucker for sad love songs. haha. it's a quiet night out, and here i am with only the night lamp on, curled up with warm milo and typing away.

i miss the feeling of being free. more specifically, being free of small minute problems that i inflict on myself. what is wrong with me really? sigh, running away is never going to solve my problems or anyone's for that matter, so i'm not even thinking of that. it's just, how nice would it be if i could just live in my own little world for awhile?

to let everything i do be because of me. with nothing and no one to worry about, that'll be nice yeah? but then i wake up from my daydream and here i am, front and center. i see that it's never going to happen. i can't exist in my own little world, i can escape into my own whirlwind of thoughts, but that's about as good as it's going to get.

i keep thinking of this person lately. (when i'm not fighting war with my math questions or busy cramming heaps of info into my head of course) there isn't much to think about, but i do miss that person and the person does appear in my mind often enough. it's like being curious about someone who no longer exists in your life(something along those lines)

i read this somewhere: "as we grow older, it's not that things we did that we often regret, it's the things we didn't do". Actually, i don't have much regrets about this. i would have still have done the same thing if i went back to that same time. i guess i just wished that we had more in us than just this. if anything, all i can say is maybe i just missed out.

but i won't roll around and be devestated if that's really the case. everything has it's place and time, suppose it's just not yet my turn. so for as long as i can, i will wait patiently for the right thing to happen. This applies to other aspects of my current life; i just need to wait patiently for my chance, keep trying and never give up. One day, i'll make it possible again.


"This time i'll be braver,
i'll be my own saviour.
Stand, on my own two feet."