bittersweet.

it's almost 1am, way way past my bedtime. but just before i go off, i wanted to update this little space.

i can't remember when's the last time i packed a huge bag to send myself off on a school camp ouside of school. i suppose i'm relatively excited for the 3 day ltc at sembawang. with the exception that the guys in my group can be a little.... (that shall not be mentioned here), everyone in the group is really nice and easy to get along. we should get along just fine.

on another note, school's officially out. and once again, i went to school today only for one chem lecture. yes, it's a slight waste of time. but june lects are always important and on the plus side, i got to spend a little time with the guys from 11s today during their break while i was waiting for the rest of my ltc group for lunch.

talking to the guys again is really bittersweet. a part of me is smiling cause things between us are still the same. we talk nonsense, they still are monkeys and we still laugh alot together. Ryan's still teasing me about stealing food from them all the time. Wey jieh's singing LOUDLY in my ears and being ego by asking if i miss them. Benedict is offering me advice as always and corrects EVERYONE'S english. Zhi hao talks endlessly with me, Edward is telling me all his little problems and worries as usual. and Liney is being the sheepish kid-like guy i know. (:

i suppose i've been trying to spend more time catching up with the 11s girls as compared to the guys. then Desmond goes on to say that absense makes the heart grow fonder. he isn't wrong, cause i realised that even though i'm not exceptionally close to the guys, i do miss them. and that's the exceptionally bitter part i suppose. having one Zhangyao in class now just makes me feel like something is lacking. it's the craziness that only guys can come up with i guess.

things in school and in my everyday life are in a way, different yet the same. i'm not sure if i'm making any sense but that's exactly how i've been feeling the past 6 months. different, yet the same. i'm not having it tough as compared to some others, yet it's never easy as well. there are new obstacles, old problems and the same amount of worries at times.

sigh, sometimes i want this all to stop and run away to some little heaven of my own. it's an urge to leave things behind and just dive alone into the unknown. is this what happens when things in life becomes slowly unbearable? when you miss the past and fear your own future... perhaps at some point, we all turn to escaping reality in hopes of feeling the relief that we want.

you may be strong and determined to succeed.
you may have what it takes to reach your goals.
but everything in life is always bittersweet.
at some point in time we'll miss the past,
we'll get sick of our present,
we'll fear our unknown future,
and all we want is for that empty and tired feeling we have inside to go away.