and since tomorrow is wednesday, i.e my late day, i decided to take the time to blog a little.
today's the j2 farewell for choir. technically, it was my farewell too. for some reasons, i might be leaving choir early. hearing the juniors sing the songs we once sang is nostalgic. your heart warms up a little and though there were tough times, all that's left in your memory are the good times, the fun times, the strong times and the glorious times. i remembered why i love singing again. not in the choral way, but in a general way, why i love to sing.
not all farewells are sad. you feel touched rather, that these people are sending you away with their love and hope that you'll do better in life ahead. but some farewells do poke at the sad portions and old wounds.
i saw the 11s class having their photoshoot today, and somehow there was a tinge of sadness that overwhelmed me for awhile. that part of me will never be erased, but i know very well that my place is no longer with them. standing by the side and watching them share the laughs and jokes that i no longer understand is honestly, hard. very hard. but at the same time i'm glad that in the midst of the tough j2 life they lead, they can still smile and laugh. that's enough really, to know that the people i care about are still surviving and hanging on tight to what they believe in.
i belong to a different world now. one where i sometimes find it hard to navigate, or really ever understand. it's complexity requires a good amount of careful words, planned thoughts and watchful movements. such a life, feels a little like a lie but as my friends like to call me "social butterfly" they believe i'll be fine. they aren't that wrong, i hope.
and i seem to be on a streak for losing things today. i misplaced my ruler, my best writing pen and the worst of all, SOMEONE STOLE MY POEM ): the one that i did for the lit assignment, which we were suppose to place somewhere in school that best represents it's meaning. the poem that i pasted on pretty craft paper, printed a glossy photo to go with and even slotted into a plastic folder to prevent it from getting wet. IT'S MISSING. ): and i'm HONESTLY, TERRIBLY UPSET. ):
it has my name and class on it, so if anyone finds it, i would be ever so grateful if you return it to me.
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| yes, this is my MIA poem ): |
oh and to add to the list for eventful. i found out today that my Nepali classmate from tkg days is NOW A MOTHER, as in she got married and gave birth to a baby daughter about a month ago (and she's my age, 18 this year.) talk about a shock, but i'm glad she's happy. and and and (yes, another big shock coming) my korean friend who's a year older is getting married after Alevels this year, in New Zealand i might add.
so is it just me or is life so much more than what anyone can imagine it to be? all the people around me are taking the most unconventional ways to live their life to the fullest everyday. be it not going to uni and opting for music/culinary school, heading back to poly after A's, getting married and becoming mums before 20. leaving home and everything behind to venture out to pursue their passion.
i look at me and see that i'm actually taking the world's most conventional route. Mr wong commented that MJ kids think too short term. he says we're too easily satisfied and that we don't have the hunger to want greater and better things. a short reflection about my life has shown me that this is true, for me at the very least.
there's so much more in this world that i need to learn and with just 56 days to promos, it's about time i start showing myself some of that results that i've been working hard at but never seeming to show.
this is becoming a ridiculously long post, but one last thing that came to mind;
take each day as a new chance, as your last chance.
keep trying, keep giving, keep hoping.
don't lose sight of the things you believe in
and don't forget the people who helped you.
if you love someone, let them know.
if you hate someone, let it go.
more importantly,
lift your head high each and every day,
smile your brightest ,
and no matter what it is you do:
give it your best shot.
s.
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