last.

rainbow after every storm.

28th February.
it's the last day of the month and what a month it has been.
i haven't written in 2 weeks, things have been hectic
so much is different, so many people have changed.
it's all a little overwhelming, a little scary
and to be honest, after these past 4 weeks, i'm feeling a little lost and really tired.

everything now is in fast forward
everything but me.
each day weighs me down a little more and though i know i have to get it together and keep fighting
but i'm feeling more and more heavy-hearted each day.
i know this feeling will have to pass, but i just can't shake it off.
i know i have to move on and get on with life even as everyone and everything around me changes
but why is it getting harder and harder to detach myself from all of this?

i think about her from time to time,
even though i thought those 2 weeks was good enough to let those feelings mellow
but it wasn't.
i visited her at the memorial on Sat and i realised how much i missed her.
how gone she was, and i just couldn't help but feel the way i did weeks ago.
no one's quite over it yet but we all know eventually we have to move on
eventually everyone else will forget, even if we don't.
so all we can do is to live well
easier said than done though, easier said than done.

tomorrow's the start of a new month,
the A level results are coming out.
and my friends are finally gonna receive their results.
they've fought for so long and for so hard,
so i honestly hope that all their efforts will pay off.
should be me tomorrow as well, but my turn will come in due time.
so much on my mind tonight, so much to think about,
it's a pity that there's only one me to ponder it all.