the only way to go, is forward.

week one of a class of 16.

well, we're officially a class of ALL girls now. Zhang Yao left us to go back to J1 after being absent for more than a month. truth be told we're all a little sad to see him go and I've grown a little attached to him, after all we've been classmates for a little over a year and he's finally opened up to us so much more than when we started as a class. but things like that happen and sometimes it's about wishing your classmate/friend all the best in the journey that they choose away from you.

it's 5th April today. 4th month of the year and I'm now accustomed to the pace of school as a J2. (like finally right?) heard a fair share of people saying their goodbyes in the past few months though as they decide that the JC system might not be right for them after all..... it's always a little bittersweet for all these people because to these J2s they have made friends the same way I did with some of the J3s. but they too see that true friendship will find it's way, be it distance or time, if it's strong enough and both parties try, nothing can change it.

funny how I can finally imagine what it was like for the J3s, to see people saying goodbye after more than a year of struggles while they try and find the courage to persevere and continue on. these people leave with bigger dreams for themselves and an understanding that the JC way might not always the supposed "right way". I'm happy for them because they have found what they want and are on their way to it. Looking at all this, and listening to Zhang Yao telling me why he wants to go back to J1, I suddenly realize that I will not give up. I have had those thoughts, like most people really but there are too many people who are taking this journey for me to say I want to give up.

3 years I've spent here. I really have overstayed my time but I'm not going to quit no matter what comes next, talking to Zhang Yao really taught me that I have to keep going and not stop. perhaps for him he's taking this new chance as a way to finish the race the way he hopes to.

ever since I've started J2, all I really seem to talk about it studies, stress, etc. it's almost as if a little part of me(the fun part) is gone with this new year. is this what being in j2 does to a person?! fret not, last I checked I'm still having a rather balanced life (or so I think I do) some things are different, but everyone changes with time and I think I've changed not in a bad way, so it's all good (:

not knowing why I've been really into erm, spiritual growth (sounds weird, I know) this year. in almost everything that I've done / everything that has happened I find myself looking for something to learn from it. A lesson; be it a moral lesson, self or life lesson and what not. I just seem to be searching for something I can gain from it. (I ALSO CAN'T BELIEVE I'VE JUST SAID ALL THAT) this is what I mean when I say I feel like I'm really aging. it's not that I don't know how to have fun anymore, in fact I think I'm having quite a fair amount of fun, it's just..... things are different. I feel different.

maybe is this what people mean when they say we gain maturity with age huh.
the first 3 months of J2 are gone and it's already term 2. less than 3/4 of the way to go before I leave the concept of "uniformed school" behind for good. things are getting serious but the toughest 3 months of adjusting are over, all that's left now is the test of endurance and perseverance.