sleepless.

i should stop this insanity and let it be.
i wonder why i keep looking to hit myself in the face, and all i end up hearing is things that i don't really want to hear cause i'd just end up getting hurt. i've always believed that things happen for a reason, sometimes that reason won't show itself, and at times i don't bother to question the reason. but now i find myself asking: why make me go through all this, why do i have to know?

my curiousity regarding why people act a certain way has long died down, so if i'm no longer looking, why let me know? does it please anyone to see me struggle with everything that i'm faced with? i'm trying to figure things out, clear my mind, yet i end up getting more confused and indecisive.

and just when i finally think i can stop guessing, stop running in circles and get to know someone properly and figure things out, i learn that i'm wrong. again. here's the truth: i'll never get there. i've never accepted defeat easily, and i can be very stubborn at times but it might finally be time for me to admit defeat and stop trying.

as marr once said: just let it end. question is: can i?

yet another sleepless night. haix.