Far Far Away.

Hello out there.

In one of those weird moods tonight so I guess I might start sounding a little down and stuff like that but I do suppose it's just cause I'm really quite tired today. Not really sure why I am either, all I know is that I feel physically and mentally drained by the people and things around me (which is really odd considering the relatively good mood I was in a few days ago). #girlissues I could really use a hug now though. Feel like I'm in need of one, and so I suppose I'm just gonna have to go hug my stuffies.

I guess when someone feels down, everything around them just seem to become dull and sad too. Even nice things no longer seem all that wonderful and we find the imperfections and unhappiness we didn't know exist because we were too happy to see it before. That's why it's so much easier when you're feeling happy cause everything will just seem.... better.

Spoke to Kat tonight for the first time on Skype since she left for Swiss to study. And seeing her on that little screen made me realize how very very much I miss that girl. When you're used to seeing family every week and suddenly they're no longer there, at first you don't miss them cause you're far too busy with your own crazed hectic life, but when you see them again it hits you how much you actually missed them, how many things you wanna say to them and every little thing just feels oddly wrong because they aren't with you physically. I cried a little seeing her in that tiny screen and I realized that while this was what she wanted; her freedom and her choice to study what she had always wanted, some part of her must miss home terribly too.

Funny enough at that moment, the other thought in my head was: I really just want to leave this place.

Leave it all behind and go to somewhere where no one knows me, and find my own way. Make my own mistakes, learn and experience life the way I can only do on my own. (guess everyone has had this thought before) I have it really often though. Can't deny it's a form of escapism but there are so many times when this is all I really wish. There's a reason why it's only a "wish" currently though and maybe for forever even... 

It's just there are times when it gets so hard that I'm willing to give up all that I have now to venture into the unknown. I sound really unappreciative of what I have don't I? Out there are so many other people who can only wish to have the things I've been blessed enough to be given and yet, here I am, saying that this isn't enough. That this is, sometimes, not what I want at all. Typical human nature, never satisfied with what we have. Spoilt and unappreciative. Is that what I'm sounding like now?

Yeah, maybe this is what I've become. A sad, and somehow pitiful person who is unable to see the good in what she has. It's too much to say this is what I want to run from. It's too much to say that I wish for more. It's too much to say that I really, really just want to leave it all behind.

And yet, it's all I can think of now.

Funny isn't it? 

How we humans think.

I guess I'm just tired, it's the only logical explanation no?