Timeless.

photo + editing credits to the pretty girl :)
don't know what she did, but I look like I have makeup on and it looks really good. HAHA

Day 41.

Rain day.

Went cafe hopping for the first time with this pretty Hui Ni yesterday. Haven't seen this pri school bestie for more than 5 over years though we've been keeping in contact all the time. The moment I saw her it's like the 5 years apart was nothing. Absolutely nothing, as we fell back into comfortable conversations the same way we always did back in primary school.

Headed to Selfish Gene for lunch and we ended up talking for more than 5 hours there. Haha. Just everything and anything became a part of our conversation and we realized once again how similar we were in so, so, so many ways that it honestly was a little scary. But at the end of it all she made a comment that struck me: "Best friends are people you know you don't need to talk to every single day. You don't even need to talk to each other for years, but when you do, it's like you never stopped talking"
It's so true.
After all the time apart, we've only seem to bond closer when we finally got to meet. Guess it's also because we both know that it's not easy for friendships to last through time and changes. It's a rare chance, I'm really thankful for this bestie whose lasted with me through the years and I'm gonna cherish this friendship for a long time to come as well. <3

Dinner after that with the seniors whom I haven't seen in more than a year also really reflected that statement too. It's like seeing them again after so long, what's 1 year? What's years in fact? Nothing matters when you've always had that connection, that bond. Friends like that are so hard to come by, friendships like this is so timeless. These girls have always been there for me cause I'm the youngest out of all of us. Regardless of whatever problems it was, repeating a year, friendship issues and everything else, they were there. And they've never turned me away whenever I needed help, something I've always been thankful for.

Guess in a sense I needed their help again and this small gathering couldn't have been at a better time. I only met Marianne, Fiona and Ying Ting for dinnz cause I hadn't been up to face the other girls after breaking the news about, well us. They didn't know about you at all until they talked to me one of the days and realised something was wrong with me and well, I just gave them a one statement that it was over. Telepathy in them I swear.

So dinner with my closest seniors and well, me telling them everything from beginning till the end. I cried again. After more than 2 weeks of not crying, after telling myself I'm never gonna shed another tear for this. I cried damn hard telling them this: " The hardest thing is knowing what he did was right, and knowing very well what is the right thing for me to do now, but not being able to do it. To miss him like hell still everyday. To feel apologetic towards him and to force myself to not text him even when it's all I want to do."

Haix, there we have me literally sobbing and choking on my tears in the corner of the packed Spageddies @ OC during dinner time. Hahaha, I must say I'm damn good at embarrassing myself. -.- But the girls just let me cried my heart out and for the first time in the 6 years I've known Marr, she didn't say what she usually would have said when it came to us girls and guys who've supposedly done us wrong: He's a Jerk.

Instead she told me: "You're doing right girl. You're making the right relationship decisions now. Not texting even when you want to. And this, this is just an unfortunate case. We can tell he really does love you, and in a way he must be pretty messed up himself cause he knows he's the one who hurt you himself. It's just a really really unfortunate case. If this is fate, at the end of it all, years down maybe you two might get back again. But don't give yourself false hope now, move on first. You must know: If it's not okay, it's not over. It's obviously not okay yet, so this is not over yet."

Marr is the kinda person who keeps me in check.
She says the right things, not the things you want to hear. In other words, she's always honest. Even if she knows it's gonna hurt you a little, she'll still be straight up honest with you. And I've always counted on her to wake me up. To tell me if I'm acting stupid or being plain ridiculous or wasting my life away and what not. I was surprised when she said that to me instead.... I honestly don't really know how to feel. I don't know if the girls are right when they all tell me it's not over yet. I mean I know it isn't over for me yet, but maybe for you it's different now.

I know one thing though, I have to move on.
For my sake. For your sake. For everyone's sake even. I have to.
Haixx, I wish I will stop coming to the same conclusions all the time. I mean it's not that I'm not trying. I'm much better now compared to the first month. I don't cry that much anymore except last night.... and I'm going out, I'm laughing, I'm eating again. There are moments when I'm genuinely happy, really. It's just there's still feelings for you, still that heartache, still that missing you, still that part that won't let you go and still that part of me that wants you back.

It's wrong of me, and selfish of me. I know, I really know.
All I can say is I'm sorry it seems like I haven't made much of an improvement. I'm sorry I'm still trying. But at least I'm trying.... I really am trying.