You really love him, don't you?

Day 56.

8 weeks.
2nd month on my own and still learning to cope, learning to deal, learning to let go.

It honestly feels longer than that.
More than 2 months but in reality it's only been that long. It's the same as that period of time when my aunt first left. Hours felt like days, and months. Guess we can never really change the way we each deal with losing someone, it's still the same for me. I still find it hard to let go of the people and things I care about. I'm still avoiding looking at couples on the streets, still trying to avoid all the things that remind me of you. Still scrolling past all the photos of our couple friends on Insta. I avoid it, all of it. Whether it was years ago or right now, I'm still taking a little too much time to deal, to heal. MEHH.

I wonder if it's a bad thing.
I suppose from the perspective of others it might be. A little too emotionally attached maybe? Yeah, I have to admit. It's hard for me to let go of people who really truly matter to me. I guess in a sense it's cause even though it's relatively easy to make friends and meet people, it's hard to find people who truly reach and understand me in a different sense.

That's why family and my close friends have always been so important to me, because they understand me in ways normal friends and acquaintances don't. And that's why when I finally, truly let someone in, it's hard to remove them from my heart.

You quite literally came in like a storm.
Out of no where and I wasn't expecting it. I never thought I would ever fall for you, that it would be you in any of that sense. I didn't think I would let you in that quickly, or that easily. After what happened before, I didn't think I could trust anyone else with my heart, not for a long time at least. But then you came along, and changed all of that.

In all honesty, you aren't really like anyone else.
It's not that I've never met funny, nice, interesting and kind guys. It's just that you are all of that and more. In a sense it's honestly scary, how quickly I let you in, even when we were just friends.... but everything felt right and you became the kind of person I easily took as a good friend, someone I could trust. Who knew we would become more? I didn't even realise we were heading in that direction. (Yeah, damn blur, I know) It was just that effortlessly easy and comfortable with you. No other guy has managed that, just you. Only you.

So then, I guess it's starting to make more sense to me. Why it is that I can't let you go just yet.
You, you're just different. You came when I wasn't looking and you made me a better person in so many ways, something I don't think you'll ever know but also something that I'm really grateful to you for.

You accepted me and all my crazy, encouraged me all the time, made me laugh, made me happy, made me feel loved. You are the one who let me know what it's like to be loved by someone who really does love you. It was short, but it never felt short. With you, it was a lot like being with my best friend but more. More happiness, more laughter, more tolerance, more warmth, more love. More everything basically. Hahaha.

I don't really think I can ever explain why it is you mean so much to me.
Or what it is about you that I can't seem to forget. I can't even really put into words how much you truly mean to me. I know very well in the eyes of others, it's foolish of me and I'm just being ridiculous. But I guess when we each find someone whose worth it, who makes us feel so much for them, nothing is really ever ridiculous then. That's why people say Love isn't about the time, distance or person. It just is what it is.

I know I won't forget you.
Simply cause I don't really want to either. Everything you gave me was more than I ever thought could be. It was happy times and memories, so no reason for me to ever forget that right? It doesn't mean I won't let you go though. I will.
I'll let you go because I want you to be happy, and the only way is if I let you go now. Maybe I've said this a little too many times but Thank you. Thank you for being just you, and for all that you've given me.

You may never see this.
You may never know what you really mean to me. It's okay though, as long as you're happy. I'm going to be happy soon too. Because of what you gave me, I will learn how to be happy again.