Holding on to nothing.

Day 89.
2:16am

Some nights you lay in bed staring at the walls, at the photo of the both of you, at anything really.
Some nights you try and remember why it is you do this to yourself and you try to rationalize your actions, your words. You think of all the advice people have given you, you think of the memories, the what if's, the if only's. You think about how you still feel towards him, you think of the things in your life that should be more important at this moment. You think of that weird stranger who texted you: "romantic love is all overrated" and wonder who that person is. Why that person knows. Then you try and think about how he feels, from his perspective. You think and you think and you think some more.

And then as hard as it may be, and as much as you might not want to, you start being honest with yourself:
You start realizing that maybe you need to be kinder to yourself, the way your friends all tell you you should be. You rearrange the priorities, putting your emotions a little further down the list, or at least you try. And then you let yourself feel the tears as you finally start admitting that you most probably no longer mean anything to the person who still means so much to you.