I miss you, every single one of you.

Fix You - Boyce Avenue &Tyler Ward (Acoustic cover)

Day 73.

Work Day.

Been listening to this a lot at night. It's a really great cover for one, and the lyrics well, is pretty apt.

First morning-evening shift and it was kinda bad :( at first at least. Had a rough night of sleep ytd, kept dreaming and waking so much that I didn't really sleep much, plus the meds makes it harder to feel energized in the day. I was pretty much weak and tired the whole day, but the thing about banquets is that the adrenaline keeps you going. That's the fun part too I guess: being busy, having something to do, learning to deal with people and meeting kids around your age. In the end it worked out okay though, the event went smoothly and I met a really nice girl~

Burden called from Tekong just now.

In all honesty, I'm glad we're still good friends now. All of us. 

2013 put a strain on our friendship, and there was a moment that I thought I might not be able to keep him as a friend anymore. I guess all he really needed was time away to sort it out himself... I can't say we are the way we were, because we're not. But we're close to where we all started, and I'll take that any day than having to lose this friend.

In a sense talking to him over the phone felt like I was talking to a brother I sent in to the army. Asking questions like how's life in there, food, punishment, section mates, buddies, sergeants and everything else there can be to army life. It was the same with Edward when he went in last year too. These guys are like family, they are family to me at least. Life in there might not be that bad, but there are times when having a friend around on the shitty days can make army much more bearable. 

A part of me felt guilty though.

I know for him, it might not be the way it is for me. Being there for him as a friend is good and all, necessary too because I regard him as one of my closest guy friends. I owe him a lot for when he helped me when I was going through crap in J1 and the early months of J2 too. It's just, that's all I can be and all that I will ever be. 

It's sad. It's sad when you know, in the end, you're gonna end up hurting and disappointing someone you didn't intend to. Is this how you felt?

Tomorrow is the 7th February 2014.

It'll be exactly a year since my aunt passed, and that shadow still hangs around sometimes. It's in the eyes of my grandmother, in the sigh of my dad, in the photos of her everywhere in my grandparents house, in the way we still talk about her as if she was just next to us and the occasional tears that still come when I think of her. I don't really know how I will deal tomorrow when I visit that marble slab with her name and face engraved. But whatever it is I'm feeling, it has to be worst for the ones who love her more than I do.

Sigh, it seems I really am bad at dealing with loss.... It's an oddly helpless feeling, when you lose family, a friend, and the one you love. I've been spending too many nights in nostalgia of the people and things I'm not going to get back. 

I guess I just miss my aunt, Berns and you.

I miss all of you guys, every single one of you.