What are you afraid of?

A little bit of everything that I can't seem to shake off these nights:

Day 84.

I find myself sleepless with the idea of what's to come, with the fear of something that I cannot change. I sometimes find it weird how I can be afraid when I've done what I can. I always tell myself: "it's going to be okay, you'll find a way." I know I'm not lying to myself, sort of. But I still think about 7th March and what might happen and I still find myself scared. People always say "your worst enemy is yourself " Guess they are right. 

You always did say I worried too much, and I know I do. It's always been this way for me, just that when I had you around I wasn't that afraid. Some nights I still wonder what it is about you that gave me comfort and courage. 

All curled up with Lionel and I smell like shampoo, the sun's warmth and a linger of chlorine. Oddly enough it reminds me of the ocean and the beach. It reminds me of freedom; a place where I don't have to be afraid. 

I always was most comfortable in water.