Human.

Friday again.

Days are starting to feel like hours, weeks are feeling like days. It's all so fast. Book out day for many, and just another last day of the week for me. Such a tiring week this has been, though I don't remember much of it. Meds making me sleepy 24/7, not used to feeling this physically weak. Bruises are showing where the needles poked, the thing I dislike most when hurt is inflicted in any way: there's always a struggling aftermath of healing process to deal with. Okay... random deep and weird thought. Haha

These Uni applications are oddly tricky to handle. i.e hard stuffs (relatively) Every essay I write is like: hmm, what better way can I phrase this or what should I write about or am I making sense? etc etc. Good to know everyone's getting their acceptance letters though. I'm honestly happy for them, they deserve it with those good grades. My fate though is still quite unknown. Just try I suppose.

Had a random thought the other night: Sometimes I find it quite amazing. How it is that we can all look and be happy in the presence of others(maybe an act, maybe not) yet when we're on our own it's like an entirely different thing. Human complexities perhaps? We all hide something we think isn't good enough: whether it's our insecure side, our emotions, our thoughts and maybe even sometimes, a part of our own character.

I'm guilty of it too.
Maybe we do it just cause everyone else does it. Not knowing when we've come up with this connotation that it's not nice to show your vulnerable/weak side, no one seems to want any one else to see that side of them. As big as our inner demons are, we rather fight a lone battle most of the times. Truth is vulnerability and weakness is what makes us human. We're not perfect, and not meant to be either. It's not that we don't understand this concept, just we never seem to get past the thought in our minds and actually show it in our actions. We cower for fear that other people will see what we are trying to hide.

I don't talk about him anymore.
Even when he's on my mind, in the things I see and get reminded of. I don't talk about him to anyone cause it makes me vulnerable, weak. Or at least, that's what I've made myself believe. I hope he's well though, in every varying thought I have of him, I just honestly hope he's doing good.