Lights.

Day 104.
1.46am

Such a long day today.
NTU with Le L's the whole day and finally home past midnight after Grandpa's birthday dinner and a long walk with the fam at Gardens by the bay. First time there at night and I suppose my night walks have taken a whole new level up. Safe to say the wind's much better there than at home.

Today proved my heart's stronger than I thought it was.
I expected myself to feel like crap today going to NTU (cause the chances of me getting there aren't high or really even there at all maybe) but surprisingly, I didn't feel as bad as I thought. I guess it's the people I went with, really thankful for the people who quite literally dragged me there. Without them maybe my heart might not have been that strong.

It's put me on a better path I guess, knowing my results now and going for all the open houses these days, has made me clearer of what I'm going to do with myself. And though I know all these friends of mine will be taking the path most threaded while I take something else, not so much by choice, but I suppose I'm feeling slightly braver and it'll be okay. Right?

Tried my best to stay strong today during dinner.
But the moment Jie and Grandpa came to give me a long and big hug and started telling me: "it's going to be alright, start over, you can do it." The tears came. I tried to hold it back, I really did. But these comforting words just made it hard not to cry. Truly thankful for family like this. At the end no matter what's become of me, the friends and family I have are blessings I'll never trade for anything else in the world.

Saw you today at NTU.
Or rather, I recognised your friends first before I spotted you. It was... hard. It's all that familiarity of you rushing back, the way you walk and talk and just everything. Things that time had managed to lighten a little from my memory. Oddly enough seeing you now still manages to make my heart race and all of a sudden it's like I don't know what to do. Thankfully I had Dawn to calm me down. That girl is my rock through so much lately.

Funny how I had these moments with HJ and E when we were all staring each other in the face by accident then having a 1-2 sec lag before all turning away without acknowledgement. More awkward really, but rather them than you I guess. How we can't even say hi to each other now is just painful. Since when did something so simple like looking at you become so hard?

I no longer have the right to care anymore I guess...
And right now, I have bigger worries too. All in good time I hope. My future is still looking bleak, but at least for the first time in a long time, I have a concrete idea of what I might want.