Better.

Day 28.

4th week. How did a month slip past without me even realizing it?
Perhaps it's not a lack of realization, but rather, after awhile counting the days make it all go faster.
Maybe perhaps, I'm already getting used to all of it.

Have a great trip to your favourite country in the whole world alright?
It was weird being at the airport last night when I know you were leaving around that time, but Starbucks with the girls was just what I needed, people who are able to make me laugh when sometimes I just wanna cry. It's a happy feeling, and I'm finally starting to be able to smile and laugh like I really mean it.

We talked till 2 plus in the morning, getting high on weird conversations, funny jokes, Christmas drinks and me still just having to randomly say things about you, things that remind me of you (it's still a habit). It was the surroundings too, being at the port in the wee hours with no intention of travelling and no where we needed to be. Just feeling the cold air as we walked out of the terminal, watching the airplanes take off and having me wonder which one you're on board...
The feeling of having company I know can make me feel better, and with that thought in mind, having everything suddenly feel better.
Gladys came over for an impromptu sleepover after that, cause it was too late and I think I passed the flu bug to Xin Ru... so now I feel really bad. But other than me making her sick, it's nice you know. It's a nice feeling to have friends stand by you even when you're doing all the wrong things and they know it, but they still stick with you and tell you "do what you think is right" anyways. It's really, really, really nice.

I'm leaving on Christmas morning.
Haven't packed a single thing and there's still Jie's Christmas party to attend tomorrow. Ah well, I've always belonged to a family of LAST MINUTE PACKERS. Not quite sure if I'm really excited for the trip either. Not as excited as I thought I would be if I got a chance to get out of here for awhile. I guess it's also cause I know you're not here now, that's why it doesn't really feel different whether or not I leave. But I'll take it, any trip is better than no trip right?

It's a oddly warm feeling, being able to genuinely laugh and smile again.
It's a nice feeling, slowly being able to go back to the way I was before us. Sometimes I can't help but be selfish and think I no longer matter to you, and that really hurts.
It still does right now, but it's getting easier and I'm getting better.
Just the way you want it.