Stars.

Day 11.

2.17 am
Such a long day it's been, with Day 1 of work
and a longer day ahead with Ms Halimah's wedding to attend later.
9 hours of manual labour today and minimal wage is truly no joke. But I took the job to take my mind off you and to keep my mind occupied. Anything to keep me occupied and for me not to be on my own right now. It was okay though, I had Dawn for company and the people there are really friendly and nice. Only problem is that you were still on my mind the whole day, keeping me distracted and distraught. Haix, what else is new.

Woke up today to swollen eyes again, another night of crying myself to sleep like an idiot and dreaming of bad things again. Every conversation I try to have with you now always leaves me in tears. A lot of it... and that's not how I want to remember you by.

I cried today in public for the third time these past 11 days.
Such a mess, I'm such a mess. Finally telling Dawn about us was a lot harder than I thought it would be, and before I knew it I was crying like some retard on the 1 hr bus ride home. The only time I've ever cried so much this lifetime was when my aunt passed, and when I found out I had to repeat J1. And now, there's you. Nothing's right anymore, not when I have so much to say to you but not sure how to even start the conversation.

Guess the good thing was that we had dinner with the guys at Jing Shen's. And the guys being retarded made me really, truly actually laugh. It was the first time I actually felt happy these past 11 days. They may know nothing yet here they are, changing everything.
Really thankful to have met these bunch of idiots. Really am. It's crazy how I was crying my heart out and actually managing a laugh just a few hours later.
Then again I'm slightly crazy right now, so what's new?
Talking to them made me feel closer to you again, just cause they get to see you for soccer while I don't even get to see you anymore. Funny how I'm feeling comforted by such an insignificant thing. See, this is why I say I'm crazy.

I really need to start eating and sleeping more though. Mum forced me on the scale just now and I lost 2.3kg in the past 11 days. Need to start pulling myself together before she starts seriously asking me questions that I've been trying so hard to avoid just so she won't worry. It's hard when you have to keep pretending nothing's wrong when everything is.

Went to the park again just now after walking home from Js's place.
Can't remember how many times I've sat there trying to remember what it's like having you next to me again. Sat there at our bench, looked up at the sky and saw all the stars we always said we'll get a chance to see together some day. Thinking back to all the times you met me there late at night and kept me company through the good and bad.
All the little things from forcing me to ride your bike so I would feel less stress to bringing me Milo at 1 in the morning.
All the things you did for me then, hard to believe it's all so different now.

Sat there for a long time, feeling the wind in my face.
Sat there looking at the stars, remembering every single thing.
And wishing you were there with me.