Buried.

Day 24.

Last day of work today. Time to start preparing for the trip and another job interview. If all goes well I'll be working again in Jan.

It's always a little sad to say goodbye to people you've gotten used to. Even though I barely know them, but they are really nice people and helpful too. Maybe I take people in life too seriously. Maybe that's the problem huh. Taking everyone so seriously that when they leave, and they all eventually will, it always becomes hard for me. That's exactly what it's become for me towards you. Hard, really very hard.

I missed you a lot today.
And that really does suck doesn't it. Not hearing from you, not knowing how you are or what you've been doing. Sometimes that feeling makes me feel weird in my tummy and empty in my heart. The feeling of not knowing. The feeling of wanting to talk to you, even as a normal friend, but not knowing if I can even reach out. That's why all I can do is sit at the sidelines and wait. Wait for what I don't really know. But it's all I can do now.

All that I can ask for now is for the nightmares to stop so I can sleep properly for once.
All I can ask is for me to start being normal again so people will stop telling me I've lost weight, so people will stop saying I look tired and lifeless, so people can stop asking me "what's wrong" and the people who care so much about me can stop trying to cheer me up.