Truth is.

Day 12.

Went for Ms Halimah's wedding in the day today, and she looked so stunning. Nothing like the usual lady we know. All pretty and princess looking. Really am happy and excited for her, cause she just looked so happy today and well, it's a new journey when you get married (or so I've heard).

I got the answers I was looking for tonight.
All that I've been telling myself I needed to know, all the questions I had didn't really matter anymore after you told me the truth. They didn't matter anymore after I saw you. All that I said I wouldn't say to you. In the end I still did... well, that wasn't a very smart move right? But I guess I needed to. I started this with you based on nothing but the truth, and it's always going to be that way for me.

Sometimes the truth hurts.
Okay, admit it. The truth always hurts, if it's not what you wanted to hear. But this truth, this is something I've been telling myself the past 13 days. It's just hearing it from you, that makes it more absolute. More real. And in a sense, more hurtful. But that's okay, I'm going to be okay, it's going to be okay.

I don't really know what's left for me. There's nothing more I can do, nothing more I can say, nothing more I can give. This is perhaps the time when I finally admit: I've tried. I really did. Everything you mean to me, everything we mean to me. I think I've done what I can. And there's nothing left for me except to keep going as I am, either praying for a miracle to happen or learning how to let go.

Truth is, it's scary how people can change, how feelings can just change. But that's part of life, it happens to everyone unless you're really really lucky. It's the way things work, I know.
That's why, even though I'm not sure at all if I can do it, I said I'm going to stop trying to save what we have. I said I'm going to let you go.
I don't know if I was lying. Maybe? Who knows.
One day I'll look back and if there's no ache in my heart, then maybe I've succeeded and maybe I didn't lie. Guess I'll only know much longer from now.

Tired.
This is a tiring feeling. This a feeling that no amount of tears can help, no wise words can save you. Nothing but yourself working at it everyday, hoping, praying that it'll be okay. Like you said: "Who knows" Life is too full of twists and turns for me to predict, or have any expectations anymore.
If a miracle happens, that'll be great. And if it doesn't, then I go on.

It's okay, I'm going to be okay.
I'm okay. We are going to be okay. It's going to be okay.